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Task 1: The comparison of five favourite sports between two age groups of school aged boys


Maya29 14 / 18 14  
Apr 15, 2016   #1
The proportion of Britain male students who followed football, basketball, cricket, rugby and swimming in the age of six to sixteen divided into two age groups, kids (6-11 years) and teenagers (12-16 years) during 2010 is presented in the table. What stands out from the data reveals that there was a slight decrease in the level of students joined in all of the sports categories, except for swimming remained constant for both age groups. However, student from both groups still put football as the most popular activities among four other sports.

Turning first to football and cricket, football had the highest follower number as a whole, however the number decreased slightly from 87% in kids to 78% in the another group. Subsequently, placed as the second highest number, cricket presented about a half less compared to football for both of the age groups.

The remained three categories showed a small fall at about 10% from kid to teenager students. In contrast, the amount of school boys who joined swimming did not change at 19% which was the lowest for both groups.




justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Apr 15, 2016   #2
Hi Maya, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope we will be able to provide you with necessary feedback to your analysis and it is helpful towards your revision. Please find my help below;

- sixteen is divided
- 2010 and is presented
- wasis ( mind your tenses ) a slight
- students joinedjoining in all
- swimming, it ( mind the punctuation marks ) - students from both groups

- Turning first to football and
- follower number of followers as a whole, - in the an other group.

- The remainedremaining three categories - showed a smallshort fall
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - idea ) , the amount

There you have it Maya, overall, the analysis is written in a way that it can be easily understood and a little modification will not hurt, I hope you follow through when you're doing the revision. Keep writing.
mormontre 6 / 9 7  
Apr 15, 2016   #3
Hi Maya29, here are some corrections:
in from the age of six to sixteen, divided into two age groups...

a slight decrease in the level of students who joined in all of the sports categories, except for swimming, WHICH remained constant for both age groups. However, student from both groups still put football as the most popular activities among four other sports. footbal is the most popular activity among all the other sports.

... had the highest follower number as a whole, however THOUGH the number (...) kids to 78% in the another OTHER group.

The remained REMAINIG three categories showed a small fall at about 10% from kidS to teenager students. In contrast, the amount of school boys who joined (ALTERNATIVE: APPROACHED/ CHOOSE..)swimming did not change REMAINED STEADY at THE LOWEST LEVEL, WITH ONLY 1 OUT OF 5 PARTICIPANTS 19% which was the lowest for both groups.
Lunazimnavi11 4 / 6 1  
Apr 17, 2016   #4
Hello Maya,

As a learner, I attempted to analyse your essay and I found some confusing sentence.

The remained three categories showed a small fall at about 10% from kid to teenager students.

Basketball, rugby and swimming are the rest of the sports that chlildren play. Regarding the table, only basketball showed a 10 per cent decrease, while rugby only felt 2 per cent and swimming remained constant.

Here is my suggestion:
Other sport categories were drop slightly with basketball 35 per cent for 6-11 and 25 per cent 12-16, rugby 23 per cent for 6-11 and 21 per cent for 12-16 and swimming the same percentage for both of group ages.


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