The comparison of user involvement for four different online social platforms

Writing Task 1 IELTS Social Media

The table illustrates the comparison of user involvement for four different online social platforms, while the percentage of their market share is given in the chart.

In every day, most people prefer to visit Twitter more often with average at 29,1 times, which indicates it as the most favourite social platform, while the number of facebook daily visits is accounted as the second position. However, those users spend the minimum hours per day for accessing both social media. Also, Facebook dominates market share successfully with more than a half percentage, and this contrasts to the other networking sites.

As the remaining social networking platforms, LinkedIn and Instagram are being accessed for the longer times rather than the previous ones, however, the average of daily visits shows the reverse with only 16.6 for the former and 7.2 for the latter. When it comes to the market, both of them also have the lowest percentage with around 12% and 19% respectively.

Overall, Twitter is the most preferable social media since it has the highest rate of daily visits, followed by Facebook which has dominated the market share. Whilst the LinkedIn has the highest proportion of time passed per day, the number of its visits experienced the lowest rate as well as Instagram.

• 
  TableandChartso.png
  

@WaddahHamzah
Welcome to the forum. I hope that my feedback gives you clarity on how to improve your writing.

Omit excessive and unnecessary words throughout your writing. Not only do this add bulk to your writing that you could have used for something more productive, they also take away from the general educational standpoint of the write-up. Hence, if you are able to trim down the content, you can facilitate the writing in a lot more sophisticated way. For example, if we take a look at your second paragraph's sentences, it was clear that you needed to make concise the first portions because they're dragging the effectiveness and quality of your writing. Small mistakes that are observed here are the usage of in and the lack of usage of an an in the first sentence. Being more detailed will go a long way for you. The last sentence of this same paragraph also needed to just focus on the first phrase (hence, you could have omitted the last one).

Try to be more observant of the pieces of language that you don't actually need in the write-up. Doing this will truly help you become more effective as a writer.

@Maria
Thanks a lot for your advises. I will take them all into account to improve my writing skill. :)