IELTS writing task 1 -- the comparisons among the sales of two Fairtrade-labelled goods

Fairtrade coffee and banana sale

The table illustrates the comparisons among the sales of two Fairtrade-labelled goods, coffee and banana, in five different countries- including the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden- in 1999 and 2004.

From 1999 to 2004, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee soared in all five countries, while the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas increased in only three of the countries, excluding Sweden and Denmark.

Taking a closer look at the table discribing the coffee sale, we could discover that the number of growth of the coffee in the UK outweighed that in other countries, increased twenty times during the five years. The sales in Switzerland marks the second high, climbed to 6 millions of euros in 2004, from 3 millions of euro in 1999. However, contrasted with the high growth of sales in the UK and Switzerland, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee in Denmark, Belgium and Sweden increased slightly-0.2 millions, 0.7 millions and 0.2 millions of euros respectively.

The other table indicates that the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas in the UK and Switzerland rose considerably from 1999 to 2004, namely 4.5 millions and 32 millions of euros. Surprisingly, the sales in the UK soared more than 5 times during the five-year-period. Nevertheless, the sales of the other two countries, Sweden and Denmark, declined moderately throughout the five years.

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  this is the question of writing task 1.
  

Lee, your essay is lacking an accurate overview of the information provided in the essay. The trending statement is not very accurately presented as it does not include any supporting information within it. Let me put it this way, the most accurate way of representing the opening statement of your essay would have been to provide the expected information in the summary overview. The summary overview can be included in any section of the essay. However, most test takers have found that it would be better for your TA score if you provide an accurate summary and discussion outline within the first paragraph of the essay. The information in that paragraph should be based upon the discussion topic and outline as supplied in the original prompt. A more accurate representation that could increase your score from the very first paragraph is as follows:

Two tables were provided for comparison and analysis in this essay. The products indicated for this purpose were coffee and bananas. The information showcases the sales of the two aforementioned Fairtrade items in 1999 and 2004 from the countries of UK, Denmark Switzerland, Belgiuim, and Sweden. This summary report shall indicate relevant information and comparison points whenever required.

Notice how the paraphrase of the original prompt was completed in an accurate manner with the incorporation of advanced English vocabulary and complex sentences. Presentations such as these indicate a higher level of understanding of the required essay elements and will result in a higher TA score. Once you get a high score in your TA presentation, the rest of the criteria will most likely also be score on a similar higher scale.

In this instance, a trending presentation is not important as there are different trending considerations to be presented. However, since you do have a trending statement in your original presentation, then that should have been presented towards the end of the report, with an accurate 3 sentence minimum development for a complete paragraph presentation.

@Holt Thank you for the useful suggestions! I'll focus on the first paragraph in Task 1!!