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IELTS; Competition instills confidence into the child's mind.


fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Aug 19, 2013   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Competition instills confidence into the child's mind (hook?). Someone's attention, children are stimulated in the school to compete with each other is better off. While, others support, cooperating is helpful to bring them up to useful adults(background?) A sense of competition means the speed of study and success to goal. However, I agree with the idea mentioned first in the given statement(thesis?)

Body para-1
(Reason + example) It is useful to grow a sense of motivation in the children's study rather than cooperation among them. It is undoubtedly trusted when a child failed in exam or received less mark than the others, he weeps a lot as well as parents chide him. Subsequently, he struggles hard with his lesson which helps him to be a useful adult in future. For example, a student first boy in the class if he goes in the second or down place, he seriously studes to compete against his/her counterparts. If I say about co-operation is also for learning practical skills. Children follow parents or their beside partners in the study fields where co-operating lessons with others assists them in brightening knowledge.

(Identify the topic and controlling idea.) Some people believe that competition and cooperation in the field of study are obligatory for students to reflect a spirit on the mind. Because, contesting is the challenge against rival parties, that's why, it reaches children to their aspect of destination.

In conclusion, students should highly influence to compete each other, in the same way, they will have co-operation to become a more useful adult. The student would not be intelligent until help and race among them

words:299
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Aug 19, 2013   #2
Hi, Mohammad. What is the question of the prompt? If this is an argumentative essay, you should state another reason and give some examples to support it in body paragraph 2.

Competition instills confidence into the child's mind (hook?). Someone's attention, children are stimulated in the school to compete with each other is better off. While, others support, cooperating is helpful to bring them up to useful adults(background?) A sense of competition means the speed of study and success to goal. However, I agree with the idea mentioned first in the given statement(thesis?)

You followed the right structure but this is not clear and it is hard to follow your ideas.

Some people believe that competition and cooperation in the field of study are obligatory for students to reflect a spirit on the mind. Because, contesting is the challenge against rival parties, that's why, it reaches children to their aspect of destination.

Do you mean that both qualities are important to students? However, in the introduction, you only agree with the encouragement of a sense of competition.

students should highly influence to compete each other

students should be motivated to compete with each other
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Aug 19, 2013   #3
Competition instills confidence into the child's mind

.... more than confidence, competition sets goals for people and motivates them to pursue it.

Someone's attention,

... what do you mean by this?
Well, you have followed the structure I suggested. But you place too much weight on competition. That's not fair :D .... Better balance it in the hook and background :)
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 19, 2013   #4
It is useful to grow a sense of motivation in the children's study rather than cooperation among them.

.... hey , the latter part adds a bit stereo type thinking ...LOL
I feel it's good to be a bit more diplomatic :D
A sense of competition is important to motivate children in their academics as it provokes them to put more effort and therefore it hones their skills and intellect .

It is undoubtedly trusted when a child failed in exam or received less mark than the others, he weeps a lot as well as parents chide him.

.... there are many better examples for this reason. This one is not so attractive.
OP fahadbd 25 / 56 5  
Aug 19, 2013   #5
I request both Pahan and Dumi to use marking pen when you suggest me writing new sentence instead of sentence.

More than confidence, competition sets goals for people and motivates them to pursue it, . Thank you dumi. writing new sentence instead which Pahan always does, is very helpful for me because i memorize it and apply later.


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