Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

I completely disagree with the idea of making new regulations in school.


katherina 2 / 3  
Jan 28, 2015   #1
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that it is beneficial for the studying of students if universities arrange the equal quantity of the two genders in every subject. I completely disagree with the idea of making new regulations in school not about learning or researching but mentioning gender. [...]

End!

Thank you!

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Jan 28, 2015   #2
Hi this started off strong, but it seemed to get a little less clear to me towards the end. If you can tell me what you were trying to say in those confusing sentences, maybe I could suggest some rephrasing ideas.

It is argued that it is beneficial for the [students' studies] studying of students if universities arrange the [to have an] equal quantity of the two genders in every subject. {this still sounds a little stilted to me} I completely disagree with the idea of making new regulations in school not about {"related" seems better than about here} learning or researching but mentioning gender. {the thesis sentence is the most important sentence in your essay. This one could be more clear and more natural}

{add a transition here} Having the same number of male and female [students] in school may cause some drawbacks. One reason is that school-boy[s ] or school-girl[s ] {these words sound a bit old fashioned and in any case would apply to younger aged students, not college students} have a rights [the right] to choose which major they would like to attend instead of being arranged [assigned] to study subjects that [are] picked by [their] universities. Each university has each number of input students,{this phrase is unclear to me} the effort to equal them [make them equal] in every subject is impossible in all ways.{"in all ways" sounds a bit odd - maybe "in every way"} For example, when lectures{"lectures" is incorrect here} try to set girls into mathematic subject with a half of counterparts, it is no doubt that they will hold a negative attitude about school as a result. {this sentence was very confusing to me - can you restate what you are trying to say?}

Apart from [the] disadvantage[s ] express[ed] above, it is seems to me that trying to balance the number of student[s ] between the two gender[s ] causes [additional] problem[s ]. The differences from [in] appearance at that age to [from] their traits make students stay [at a] distance. {I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this} When it comes to special topics toward [related to] their profession, the non-cooperation {what non-cooperation are you referring to, I'm sorry, but this part is not clear to me} is the result of differ[ences] in opinion. For instance, male[s ] tends to think directly in the logical ways whilst female[s ] would like to makes it in complex.

In conclusion, I believe that universities should not divid[e ] boys or girls students {I think college students are too old to be called boys and girls} to make it balance[d ] in term[s ] of subjects but {I would add "instead" here} focus on other activities to enhance the quality of [the] education system.


Home / Writing Feedback / I completely disagree with the idea of making new regulations in school.