Oh! Hi everyone! Please give me feedback about the grammar, ideas, and all things.
Topic: In this complex and fast-paced world, it is essential for young people to equip basic pecuniary skills to face life. Nevertheless, plenty of high school graduates still do not have the ability to manage their own money effectively. This essay explores the reasons behind this issue and mentions some plausible solutions to solve it.
Primarily, one key reason for students leaving high school without proper financial knowledge is the lack of financial education in the curriculum. In other words, the subjects which schools focus on usually revolve around subjects such as math, physics, chemistry, literature, history, and geography and ignore practical life skills such as budget management and saving money. Another contributing factor to the lack of financial preparedness among high school graduates is the influence of parents and families. Especially, if parents themselves have limited pecuniary literacy, they may struggle to teach their children financial management. As a result, young people grow up without understanding how important it is to save and make clever choices with money.
However, to address the issue of high school graduates being deficient in financial management skills, it is important to implement comprehensive financial education in schools. In a certain sense, students can get professional knowledge and be able to solve pecuniary problems by popularizing financial knowledge into the curriculum. In addition, it needs to attract lots of parents in financial learning programs to narrow the knowledge gap in families and ensure effectiveness in transmitting financial knowledge. In such ways, students can improve their financial management abilities.
In conclusion, after learning about this issue, I believe there are several reasons behind incomplete curriculum to ensure pecuniary knowledge: although, in my opinion, adding knowledge to the curriculum and encouraging parents to participate is the most optimal way to solve the above problem.
In this complex and fast-paced world, it is essential for young people to equip basic pecuniary skills to face life. Nevertheless, plenty of high school graduates still do not have the ability to manage their own money effectively. This essay explores the reasons behind this issue and mentions some plausible solutions to solve it.
Primarily, one key reason for students leaving high school without proper financial knowledge is the lack of financial education in the curriculum. In other words, the subjects which schools focus on usually revolve around subjects such as math, physics, chemistry, literature, history, and geography and ignore practical life skills such as budget management and saving money. Another contributing factor to the lack of financial preparedness among high school graduates is the influence of parents and families. Especially, if parents themselves have limited pecuniary literacy, they may struggle to teach their children financial management. As a result, young people grow up without understanding how important it is to save and make clever choices with money.
However, to address the issue of high school graduates being deficient in financial management skills, it is important to implement comprehensive financial education in schools. In a certain sense, students can get professional knowledge and be able to solve pecuniary problems by popularizing financial knowledge into the curriculum. In addition, it needs to attract lots of parents in financial learning programs to narrow the knowledge gap in families and ensure effectiveness in transmitting financial knowledge. In such ways, students can improve their financial management abilities.
In conclusion, after learning about this issue, I believe there are several reasons behind incomplete curriculum to ensure pecuniary knowledge: although, in my opinion, adding knowledge to the curriculum and encouraging parents to participate is the most optimal way to solve the above problem.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15171 
4859 I believe that you wrote this as a part of your IELTS task 2 essay preparation. Unfortunately, you overwrote for the task that was provided. There are only 40 minutes given for this writing task so you cannot write almost 600 words for it. Your essay is definitely well thought out and informative. It shows you have a grasp of the English language. However, it also shows that you cannot think concisely and are unable to quickly explain yourself to a native English speaker. That is where the problem of your essay lies. You went for an academic research and opinion paper presentation when only a conversational opinion was required. So, why I applaud the way that you wrote this essay, I am afraid that it may not get a passing score in the actual test. It is just too long, too complicated, and too time consuming. You would submit this as an unfinished essay in an actual setting and receive a failing score.
