COMPUTERS - using them in education has become incredibly common around the world

Hi reviewers, thank you in advance for reviewing my essay. I am preparing for IELTS GT exam and this is my first essay. Can you help me to comment on my essay?

COMPUTERS ARE BECOMING AN ESSENTIAL PART OF EDUCATION

DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. WRITE AT LEAST 250 WORDS.

With the development of telecommunication devices, computers are gradually used as a necessary tool for a part of education. By taking advantage of technological services, students will extensively utterlise computers as a partner during their educational career, though there are several drawbacks to consider.

The greatest benefit of using computers for education is that students have more opportunities to expand the research network for their thesis. Instead of reading a plethora of books related to topics for many days, now computers make it possible for them to approach many useful sources of information in a flash. By this way, students somewhat have more time to focus on and do multiple tasks at the same time that is otherwise impossible if they chose to read.

However, spending such a long time using computers in education may cause some students to do sth wrong with the purpose of teachers and gain bad marks then. Some students may be tempted into social networking sites and browsing the Internet while teachers do not pay attention. For example, when studying Computer Science, my friends are always playing games behind their teacher's back, which oftentimes they become addicted and perform badly on their exams.

To sum up, using computers in education has become incredibly common around the world. While most people make use of them as a great tool, there are in fact some disadvantages that stop the development of these equipment. In my opinion, it is the hardship that applying technological devices to education is much more advantageous than disadvantageous.

The writer has several word usage errors in this essay that displays his lack of English vocabulary understanding. The word "gradually" cannot be used to replace the keyword "essential" as gradually refers to a slow development while essential is related to important and useful developments. A made-up word was also used in the form of " utterlise ". No such word exists in both the American and UK dictionaries. Perhaps the word Was supposed to be" utilized " instead ? These errors will have direct score deductions applied to the LR, C + C and GRA scores.

The writer also uses text speak in an academic essay. The letters "Sth" means something in informal sms writing but, shows a lack of proper academic writing skill in the test. Further LR and GRA deductions will be applied as the writer shows an inability to write in an academically acceptable format.

Utilise
In this way
Would have (conditional)
sth -> something
this equipment
the a hardship
formal vocabulary: plethora
informal vocabulary: exams

Hope this could help you