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'No concern for talents' - to succeed, be more like others rather than be different


bahareh 18 / 50  
Oct 6, 2011   #1
There's been always a challenge to accept this fact that whether people should be like others to succeed or not. It seems much easier to do the same works that have been tried before by other people but I think in order to be more successful needs to be different from others. People show more creativity, enthusiasm, and patient through their work if they desire to be different.

First but foremost, there wouldn't be much creativity if people want to do in the same way. People have variety of talents and abilities that let them do in different level of success. They may access to many new discoveries if they want to bring out their new idea .for instance, Bill gibes who designed new Windows and other soft ware system found his talent in this field ,so he resign his previous field to continue and started with his favorite field to be succeed.

Secondly, people can show their eager to do their fine job if they choose it by their preference not base on the similarities with others. Nobody can be success in any field unless she or he is really willing to do it. Thus, the first step to gain a goal in any plan is feeling more enthusiasm and eager to do and it doesn't matter if it is not like others.

Moreover, patience is one of the most important key to succeed though it is not the same feeling for everyone to do his or her work. People show their patience for different field, so it wouldn't be progress and improvement if they do in the same way. For example, I feel patient to teach and it makes me feel energy and happy while doing that. However, my friend who started teaching like me in the same time gave it up and tried psychology study which she had patient for.

To sum up, people should be concerned about their characteristics and talents to get their ways to succeed, and it is impossible if they want to be like others. They have a chance to try different things to create new discoveries with their patience and desire to do.

PLEASE CORRECT MY ESSAY AS A TOEFL ESSAY.
THANKYOU

KathyLala 20 / 116  
Oct 7, 2011   #2
I have some tips for you, I'm not sure if it would help

=> There's been always a challenge to accept this fact that whether people should be like others to succeed or not=> for me, this sentence would be rephrase a little because "that whether people should be like others to succeed or not" is not a fact, it is a question, so "There's been always a challenge to answer the question that whether people should be like others to succeed or not".

=>First (delete but formost) I think it's okie to keep it, but you don't need it, for me, I learned that we don't need excessive words, every word has to contribute to its sentence, so "First" is enough.

=>... in different levels of success.

=>... idea. For instance, Bill Gates, who designed new Windows and other software systems, found his own talent in this field and resigned his previous career in order to continue and start with his favorite field that brought success.

=> Secondly, people can show their eager to do their fine job if they choose it by their preference not base on the similarities with others=>I'm not sure if I understand your sentence in this way; you mean that people would eagerly work in their innovative way rather than follow other's.

=> Thus, the first step to achieve (or accomplish) a goal in any plan is enthusiasm and eager (or passion) to do, and it doesn't matter if it is not like others.

=>...patience is one of the most important keys to success, though..."the same feeling"<= I don't get it

=> For example, I feel patient to teach and it makes me feel energy and happy while doing that
I think that you can use "I have patience or I'm patient" better than I feel patient and also,...feel energetic....
However, my friend... (you talk about your friend and use past tense; I understand because it is already done; however, you can talk about yourself using past tense too. Both you and your friend can be written in past tense or same in present tense

REMEMBER, be careful with "to"; for example, [I'm on my way to buying roses for my mother] is different with [ I want to buy roses for my mother]

so, your sentence, you should use a noun instead of a verb

=> People show their patience for different fields..
OP bahareh 18 / 50  
Oct 8, 2011   #3
Hi Kathyala;
Thankyou for your suggestion, and I try to not repeat my mistakes again.
bahar


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