Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Toefl: Being at concert or sport event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.


Nahid87 12 / 17 7  
Jun 8, 2016   #1
Hey guys, Help me with your valuable suggestions;

Do you agree or disagree with the following? Attending a live performance (for example concert or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

Watching live performance is so exciting experience. Some people prefer participate in live occasions, others have negative attitude. They think watching on television in live manner is more enjoyable. Base on my personal experience and emotional personality, I agree with the second attitude. Watching at home on sofa is my preferable. Watching on television, gives you a chance to watch every detail, to concentrate and enjoy from the performance, and to save your time and money.

The main reason for my propensity for following events at home is that you can watch every single scene with minor details because of the several cameras that used for recording. Also, you can watch important scenes more than one time or even slow scenes. In a live performance, you have not this opportunity. For example, several years ago I went to concert; my seat was in appropriate location. I lost probably all of the scenes. It was not pleasure for me and was so disappointed and frustrated for me.

There is another factor that deserves some words. It is about noisy and crowd environmental. Usually live performances perform in chaos. This is interrupting and bothering for me. Once I went to see the basketball play and after that I really had a headache for several hours. In concert, you even cannot understand the lyrics of songs. You cannot enjoy from performance and cannot feel calm and relax. However, you can follow performance tranquility in home and have calm and peace times.

Finally, there is a subtle point we must consider. Participating in live performance need to spend time and money. You should take a time in terrific to reach destination. Need time to put on appropriate clothes. Because of my busy time and limited free time, it could be count as a negative aspect. Also, you should pay for their tickets. Sometimes, for important performance, the cost of ticket is height. So by watching performance on television, you can enjoy show free without spending time and money.

Taking into account all of the factors I mentioned above, we reach this conclusion although watching live performance are really exciting and everyone should experience sometime, I prefer to watch on television frequently. I can follow performance without noisy, interrupting, and time and money investment. What could be more enjoyable than lying on the sofa and watch your favorite performance with pack of chips in a peace environmental?

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 8, 2016   #2
Nahid, I notice that you have a difficulty in composing a strong and clear introduction. Let me help you in recreating your introduction paragraph. An introduction paragraph for an agree-disagree essay should consist of the followings:

Paraphrase question:
- It is argued that visiting a live show is more entertaining than watching it on television.

Thesis statement:
- Thus, I firmly disagree that attending a live concert or sport event is more preferable.

Outline thesis statement:
- Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that watching on television convey a more detailed experience and secondly, discuss about the possibility of saving time and money, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Complete introduction:
It is argued that visiting a live show is more entertaining than watching it on television. Thus, I firmly disagree that attending a live concert or sport event is more preferable. Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that watching on television convey a more detailed experience and secondly, discuss about the possibility of saving time and money, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
OP Nahid87 12 / 17 7  
Jun 9, 2016   #3
@ichanpants89
Thank you so much Mochtar for you kind and useful comments..
I am interested in finding a partner to speak and practice, Do you know about these community? would you please recommend me about this topic?
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jun 13, 2016   #4
Hi Nahid, no worries at all, you can always count on us here on Ef. We will always be glad and ready to provide you with out best input and given the chance, we will definitely come to your rescue.

Now, while you're at revising this essay, I would like to inject a few notes.

- sentence construction is very crucial to the formation of your essay, so be mindful of the words as well as the manner your words are grouped

- check the sequence or the logical order of your ideas, make sure that they follow a flow of story by practicing a simple pattern, the introduction, the body and then the conclusion.

- the verbs and the tenses definitely help express the idea you are trying to impart to your readers so you should be very observant on this as well.

Lastly, try to impart valuable lessons in all your writing projects, if this is not relevant, input your personal opinion instead, this will bring personality to your essay. Keep writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Toefl: Being at concert or sport event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.