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IELTS 2: Constructing a rapid railway system or improving the existing mass transportation?

rivathh 5 / 10 6  
Sep 7, 2019   #1


In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to to spend large sums of money on constructing railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views toward whether to construct a rapid railway system or to improve existing mass transportation. While both of views seem beneficial to the public, I tend to argue that intercity railway system is the better choice.

The option to improve the local transportantion have several positive effects. It is more affordable to our government. The improvement of regional bus or metroway network costs much less than the construction of national railway system. It helps saving the budget of our government. Moreover, the improvement of local transportation can help reducing the use of private vehicles. Because of the increase of accessibility to every corner of the city, people will instead choose the public transport to avoid traffic jams or accidents. Take Taipei city as example, the number of car per household is much less than any other city due to the contribution of MRT network.

However, I believe an intercity railway system benefits more. It will boost the economy of the country because of shorten the traveling time between the city. For tourists, they can travel to more places in the same period of time, which increases the revenue of local people. For corporations, negotiation with other firms in different area is easier when the convenience of faster train make interactions with each other easier. Most of the developed countries have already had these kinds of fast railway system, such as Taiwan, Japan and China, etc. The impact of the high speed railway is far more profound toward the whole nation.

For the reasons mentioned above, the construction of intercity rapid train is worth investing that it will bring benefits to national economy and to the majority of people in the country .

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Sep 11, 2019   #2
Hi there. Thank you for repetitively being a part of this platform. We hope that this has somehow contributed to your working knowledge of the field.

First and foremost, the essay has quite a messy take on your topic. What I mean by this is that your thoughts appear to be rather disorganized all throughout. I recommend that you have a more organized and step-by-step process when you are taking readers into your written work. What this would accomplish is enabling you to have a refreshed outlook.

Moreover, I also recommend that you opt to attempt to structure and compartmentalize your writing to fit that professional environment a little bit more. What this pertains to would be the usage of proper punctuation, comma, and spacing that would pave way for your writing to be better understood.

That being said, you were still able to provide a comprehensive overview of your thoughts and opinions. This can be heavily appreciated by the readers, considering that you were able to properly substantiate your claims. I would suggest, however, extending your introductory and concluding paragraphs. Because these initial portions require a bit of stability for the readers to comprehend better the text, I recommend trying to give more attention to them as you proceed with writing.
OP rivathh 5 / 10 6  
Sep 23, 2019   #3
Thank you for your kind suggestion!
I really appreciate that.

However, can you please give me more details about the disorganized part and the wrong punctuation part in the article?

Plus, I have already corrected some sentences and added some explanations in the following article.
If you are available, could you please read it and tell me whether it is better?
Thanks a lot!
People have conflicting views .. railway system between cities or ...

Improving the existing local transportation have ...
It helps save the budget ... of local mass transportation can reduce the number of private vehicles on the road. With the increasing accessibility to every ... will rather choose to take public transport ... any other cities due to the convenience of MRT network.

... the revenue of people in the country. For corporations, meetings and negotiation with other business in different cities will be easier when the faster train make the distance between them shorter. If more transactions achieved due to the rapid train, the country will be more prosperous. The benefits of such railway is so noticeable that most of the developed countries have already constructed this kind of transportation system, such as Taiwan, Japan and China, etc.

For the reasons mentioned above, although improving existing local transportation system is beneficial, I still believe that national rapid railway system is more worth investing.

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