First of all, government spending money on the construction of public parks can raise the living standard of inhabitants, especially ones surrounding the parks. Inhabitants can go jogging or go on picnics with their friends or their family in public parks, and that can relieve work pressure and enhance friendship or family relationship. Take my experience as an example. There are a park in Taipei, called "Daan Park", and citizens also call it "the lung of Taipei". Inhabitants surrounding the park like to go jogging, walking their dogs after work, or have picnics with their friends or family.
However, the park is not always appealing. It used to be a landfill in 1980s, and everyone was reluctant to inhabit near it due to disgusting smell. Since a mayor taking office in 1990, he began to rebuild the landfill to a park, and that policy attracted people to buy houses nearby the park. Since then, they have been very satisfied with their life because of their home at the nearby park. Thus, government should construct public parks to raise the living standard.
Next, the construction of public parks can increase cost-efficiency. In addition to jogging and picnics, the public parks also can provide sport fields in which people play basketball, baseball, and other ball games, not only just for students. In contrast with the construction of sport fields only for students, government takes sport fields into account on the construction of public parks for the public. That not only makes more people with every age level tend to use but also increase cost-efficiency. For example, there is a park near my home. In 1980s, the mayor of Taipei City would like to construct sport fields just for students. However, the inhabitants was desired that
the sport fields were available to the public and combined with a park. Their reason was that the construction could increase the number of population to use. Finally, the park with sport fields have been available to the public. Hence, government should build public parks to increase cost-efficiency.
Hello Yoyang
You could use the suggested stylistic adjustments to make the text more readable. They are as follows:
First of all [...] The government will be able to improve people's living standards by the mean of investing in the construction of public parks.
Inhabitants [...] Individuals...
There are [...] is...
Inhabitants surrounding [...] Those who live close to the park like to go...
the park [...] has not always been such a nice place.
and everyone was [...] people used to be very reluctant moving to live nearby due...
Since [...] the city's new mayor took over the office in 1990...
satisfied with their life [...] - not the least because of these houses' proximity to the park.
public parks also can [...] public parks can also be used by people for playing basketball...
government takes sport fields [...] the rest of this sentence is not very intelligible... did you want to say: "the government builds parks to be enjoyed by all the people indiscriminately"?
people with every age level [...] of all ages...
would like [...] was going to...
the inhabitants was desired that [...] residents indicated their desire to have these fields open to the general public.
Their reason [...] They reasoned this would bring more people to the area.
have been [...] made available...
Hence [...] Thus, the government...
I hope this came of help for you. Regards.
HI Chun, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope to provide you with the most accurate and credible feedback for your writing projects. We also strive to show you different writing techniques that will definitely hone your skills in this craft.
Overall, the essay depicts what is asked of the prompt, you manage to showcase different angles of opinion that definitely left the reader thinking, this is somehow a realistic approach and true to the current situation of our world. However, I have a few minor suggestions that I would like to draw, hopefully this will enhance your writing project;
- First of all, when the government
- is spending money
- parks it can raise the living
- standard of its inhabitants,
- especially the ones surrounding the parks.
- There areis a park in Taipei,
- walking their dogs after work,
- near it due to its disgusting smell.
- Since a mayor takingA Mayor took office in 1990,
- he began to rebuild the landfill in to a park,
- with their life because of their home at thetheir house is nearby the park. T
There you have it Chun, pretty much, it's just minimal corrections, I hope you are able to follow through and for future writing reference, make sure that you properly incorporate the linking verbs to your sentences in order to create a complete thought.
HI Chun, below are additional help for your essay.
- parks can also can provide
- sports fields in which people
- baseball,( a comma is not necessary when it's followed by the word "and" ) and other ball games, not only just for students( this phrase is not necessary ) .
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - for colors / contrary - for ideas ) with the construction
- of sports fields only
- public parks for the public .
- ThatThis does not only
- makes more people
- with every age level tend to use but also increase cost-efficiencyuse the public facilities but will also ensure daily activities at a more efficient way .
- For example, there is a park near my homehouse ( house - the building constructed where people live and the house becomes a home ) .
-In 1980s, the mayorCity Mayor of Taipei City
- sports fields just for students.
- However, the inhabitants waspeople desired that
- the public and combined with a park .
- that, the construction could
- increase the number of population toof people who will make use of the parks facilities .
- Hence,the government
- should be able to build public parks
- to increase cost-efficiencyfor greater welfare .
There you have it Chun, I notice that you tend to write the same idea over and over throughout the essay which makes it a little bit annoying, redundant and somehow, it's like you are telling your readers there's nothing more that you can say but the same idea from the beginning, yes it's good to stick to the main frame of the task but you have to give it your best to showcase different opinions and ideas that can be use to express your thoughts and answer the prompt.
