There have been more consumers using sugary beverages; it could be addressed by some viable measures

People are consuming more sugar-based drinks.

Why? What can be done to reduce?

It is believed that there have been more consumers using sugary beverages. While buying sugary drinks results from many reasons, it could be addressed by some viable measures.

One of the causes of consuming sweet drinks among the people is its advantage to mood and emotion. To be precise, sugary products contribute greatly to relieving stress and negative feelings because they contain some substances producing a happy hormone. Thus, many customers, who have been under pressure at work for example, tend to purchase more sugar-based drinks as a benefical way to deprive them of harmful feelings. Additionally, the habit of buying sugar-based drinks is directly impacted by advertisements. For instance, some drinks companies take advantage of social networks to introduce media sweet coverage to the purchasers. Thanks to AI-powered tools, the platforms such as Facebook or Instagram would recommend these advertisements to the users on a daily basis, and it is possible for their shopping habits to be changed.

In order to tackle this situation, the government should introduce restrictions on consumption through some practical actions such as raising taxes on sugar-based drinks or discouraging advertisements of sweet products from being broadcasted. Furthermore, the drinks corporations should focus more on healthy drinks, particularly smoothies, yogurts or fruit juices. Simutaneously, it is necessary for the offices, working places to open yoga classes after work or workout regulations as a step to ease their employees' stress.

In conclusion, whereas consuming sugary drinks among the people is rendered by many causes, some steps would be taken to reduce it. It it recommended that the government and the companies should cooperate to deal with this phenomenon.

(272 words)

As I read this essay, it is obvious that the prompt restatement + Writer's Opinion will be the point where the deductions to the score will be applied. While you did represent the original discussion, you did not give short responses to the questions provided. It is important to respond to these questions in a quick manner because the score for your writer's opinion will be partially based on the answers you give to the direct questions. Most students forget that aspect of scoring, preferring instead to just repeat the discussion instructions, which results in a score loss rather than a score gain. A scoring consideration cannot be given when there is no response given to the question. The rest of the essay is acceptable and would receive decent scores even though the English grammar is not perfect. You got your message across clearly to the reader and that, is what is most important.

@Holt
Thank you so much, maybe I should add some key points in my conclusion rather than giving a general restatement

@tieuthanh
1, I think you should add more information to this sentence "Simultaneously, it is necessary (...) ease their employees' stress." Like "as a step to ease their employees' stress which can trigger the rise in sugary beverages consumption"

2, " some steps would be taken to reduce it" --> can
3, Moreover I think your solution may not be practical, as even if higher taxes are raised, people still consume it, just with lower frequency. Whereas we want people to stop buying sugary drinks and switch to healthier ones because of health concerns.

@maiphuong1806
Thanks a lot, i would mention more optimal measures.

Remember to proof-reading after you finish your essay to avoid grammar errors or typo.

"benefical" --> beneficial
"broadcasted" --> broadcast. (Both are past tenses of broadcast but the latter is much more common).
"simutaneously" --> simultaneously

In my opinion, you should extend your introduction more and use more complex sentences to enhance the grammar score. Besides, other than using linking words, you can focus on using referencing because overuse of linking words can reduce your score in some cases.

@chloemarles
I got it, thank you so much!