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IELTS Writing task 2 correction - Ragonean

Ragonean 1 / -  
Mar 3, 2024   #1
Hi to everyone,
I'm studying for the IELTS exam on my own, and I don't have anyone to review my writings. I would greatly appreciate it if you could help me. Thank you!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Some people argue that artistical subjects should be teached to all the scholars in secondary school. As I greatly believe in the importance of these areas of knowledge, I would say that I emphatically agree with this idea. My firm belief is based on the fact that studying art and music in the secondary school can develops in the learner high levels of creativity, opening is mind for whatever future they will choose, in addition, learning more about these subjects the students could find their own life path becaming musician or artists.

First and foremost, we should ask ourself, what is the most importan skill that studying art and music a scholar could adquire? Undoubtedly creativity is the answer. As is well known, it is fundamental in all types of jobs, that because it allows you to solve the problems you will meet in your carreer in a out of ordinary way. This different and innovative way to overcome difficulties is due to the open-mindedness that an creative thinking gives to you. Using my personal experience as an example, studying photography during all the second and high school has been helping me in my current job in a company, giving me greatly mental tools useful to solve the daily problems I have to face with.

Furthermore we have not to forgive that second school have the aim to help the learner to find their own life path. Teaching a wide range of subjects, including the artistic ones, some students could find in art or music their passion and became the next Dali or Beethoven. As art and music require a huge amount of experience, starting from younger age, when, moreover, the brain has is maximum flexibility, can gives to the students strong bases to excel in the future. It is well known that the majority of the artists has been training all the life, starting from the early age.

Taking everything in consideration, I believe that governments should decide to teach art and music in second schools to give to the students not only a fundamental tool useful in their future lives, but also the possibility to finf out their real passions.

Thank you!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Mar 7, 2024   #2
Thank you for letting me know that you are self-studying for the test. I will make sure to help you as best as I can since there is no one else helping you with your preparations.

Unfortunately, your essay is too long to actually be written within the 40 minute time frame. You need to write no more than 300 words for this task. A long essay opens you up to more grammatical and technical errors in your writing. Keeping it short allows you to have some extra time to review and edit your paper. The quality of your thought as quickly presented is more important than the word count. Short essay = less mistakes. I'll provide you with a more comprehensive review with your next essay. The one that better meets the word count requirement for a 40 minute writing task.

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