Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Most countries allow 18-year-olds to drive a car.


eetester 1 / - 1  
Jan 9, 2017   #1
Most countries allow 18-year-old to drive a car. Some people say this is a good age to start driving. Other people say that the minimum age to drive a car should be at least 25 years

================ IELTS ESSAY======

Every country has its own rules for driving. There are many arguments for and against raising the driving age. While some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars. Others, believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher. This essay will analyze both points of view of this argument.

On the one hand, many people strongly believe that 25 is a better age since people are more mature. A mature person will be a responsible driver. For example, my brother, who is 20 years old, was involved in an accident recently in Egypt and he had four driving penalties in last two years. I felt that he should have been more mature before being eligible for a driver's license. Additionally, when they are 18, most youth should be concentrating on their studies and careers.

On the other hand, raising the age does not guarantee a reduction in deaths. The reason why drivers crash is a lack of experience. For instance, with one year driving experience, a driver whose age is 18 is having the same possibility to make accident as a driver in his 25, so, Age is not a determining factor as far as experience. Reducing the driving age will not dramatically increase the death or injuries.

After looking at both sides of this debate, I believe that 18-year-olds are not mature enough to drive cars. The best age should be 25 when one is better prepared to take on the responsibilities of being a driver.

please let me the band score for this ielts general essay , thanks in advance.

krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Jan 9, 2017   #2
About your Introduction, I would rather remove your first sentence. It has nothing to do with the topic and giving general information is not really good in the IELTS.

I like how you paraphrased the question, but I think it would be better to combine your second and third sentences.

I really like your idea in the second paragraph, but the way you present it can definitely be improved. Your example is good, but before it - it would be better to expand your idea additionally - like right now it seems like, you are giving example, before fully developing your idea - which is not very good in my opinion.

About your third paragraph, again the idea is good. But you have just explained why drivers over 25 are more responsible, so by inference, the chances for having an accident should be lower. You can write that the age is important, but the experience is more significant when it comes to safe driving.
clr 2 / 3 2  
Jan 9, 2017   #3
@eetester
Just a few things I noticed:
"While some people support 18 ... Others, believe that driver's license ..."
These two sentences seem to need revised. I would suggest either changing this information to, "While some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars, some believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher." or, "Some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars; however, others believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher."

Also I would suggest expanding more on why you came to the conclusion that 25 is the ideal age.


Home / Writing Feedback / Most countries allow 18-year-olds to drive a car.