Most countries allow 18-year-old to drive a car. Some people say this is a good age to start driving. Other people say that the minimum age to drive a car should be at least 25 years
================ IELTS ESSAY======
Every country has its own rules for driving. There are many arguments for and against raising the driving age. While some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars. Others, believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher. This essay will analyze both points of view of this argument.
On the one hand, many people strongly believe that 25 is a better age since people are more mature. A mature person will be a responsible driver. For example, my brother, who is 20 years old, was involved in an accident recently in Egypt and he had four driving penalties in last two years. I felt that he should have been more mature before being eligible for a driver's license. Additionally, when they are 18, most youth should be concentrating on their studies and careers.
On the other hand, raising the age does not guarantee a reduction in deaths. The reason why drivers crash is a lack of experience. For instance, with one year driving experience, a driver whose age is 18 is having the same possibility to make accident as a driver in his 25, so, Age is not a determining factor as far as experience. Reducing the driving age will not dramatically increase the death or injuries.
After looking at both sides of this debate, I believe that 18-year-olds are not mature enough to drive cars. The best age should be 25 when one is better prepared to take on the responsibilities of being a driver.
please let me the band score for this ielts general essay , thanks in advance.
I hope this helps,
There are many arguments for and against raising the driving age.
The dichotomy of opinions for and against the issue of appropriating age-limit of automobile drivers is vast.
This essay will analyze both
points of viewsides of the argument.
On the one hand, many people strongly believe that 25 is a better age since people are more mature
Many consider twenty five as a suitable age to grant driving license due to the maturity of drivers in that age-group.
Additionally, when they are 18, most youth should be concentrating on their studies and careers.
so, Age is not a determining factor as far as the experience is.Honestly, I think the reasons behind your opinion aren't quite welcome-able. Your grammar isn't much problem but generally IELTS essays are very intriguing to read- apart from the grammatical strength. So, mind my suggestions and I look forward to a better version.
About your Introduction, I would rather remove your first sentence. It has nothing to do with the topic and giving general information is not really good in the IELTS.
I like how you paraphrased the question, but I think it would be better to combine your second and third sentences.
I really like your idea in the second paragraph, but the way you present it can definitely be improved. Your example is good, but before it - it would be better to expand your idea additionally - like right now it seems like, you are giving example, before fully developing your idea - which is not very good in my opinion.
About your third paragraph, again the idea is good. But you have just explained why drivers over 25 are more responsible, so by inference, the chances for having an accident should be lower. You can write that the age is important, but the experience is more significant when it comes to safe driving.
Adel, I would prefer to score your essay based upon the 4 criteria that will be focused on by the examiner. Scoring in that manner should give you a better idea as to the parts where you excel and where you should devote more time and effort to improving during your practice tests. It will also show you the trend for your score which would lead to your final score in the actual test.
Task accuracy - 4 - While you gave proper focus to the summary overview of the discussion, you failed to discuss the essay on an equal platform. You only focused on the negatives of driving at the, not of 18, but at 20, based on the personal experience that you have. Now, the prompt that you provided did not indicate that you were allowed to share your personal opinion with the reader so if you were not required to do so, you will lose points for sharing an opinion when it is not required. The discussion of the essay focused only on the negatives of early licensing of drivers. There is an inconsistency in your discussion because you suddenly presented the age of 18 in the essay towards the end of the discussion. So this lack of focus and proper discussion adversely affected you in the most important part of the essay.
Cohesiveness & Coherence - 3 - As indicated above, there is a tendency for your writing to skip around and not really present the discussion in a manner that shows that you have considered all aspects, reasons, and appropriateness of the discussion that you presented. There is a lack of pro and con in your presentation of ideas which can show coherence in the development of your statement.
Lexical Resource - 5 - The essay sticks to the use of very basic English words. That shows a lack of advanced knowledge of the language and limits the way that you can express your thoughts in a more impressive manner in the essay. This will do for an elementary grade piece of writing but would fail to catch the attention of a reviewer or examiner who is looking for at least a high school level grasp of the English language.
Grammar Accuracy and Range - 5 - The sentence structure and development causes a bit of strain for the reader due to the wrong use of words that causes an improper sentence structure to arise in the paragraph. The limited sentence structure range is acceptable. However, there is a lack of complex sentence structure development. So points will be taken away due to these problems.
So your overall score should range between a 4 or 5 depending upon the additional requirements of the examiner who will score your test.
@Holt @krempetkov @nandasharma
Thanks for your reply back, I'll try hard to enhance my essay taking into my consideration your valuable comments
Just a few things I noticed:
"While some people support 18 ... Others, believe that driver's license ..."
These two sentences seem to need revised. I would suggest either changing this information to, "While some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars, some believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher." or, "Some people support 18 years as the minimum age for driving cars; however, others believe that driver's license should be permitted only for 25 years old or higher."
Also I would suggest expanding more on why you came to the conclusion that 25 is the ideal age.