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WRITING TASK 2: IN MANY COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD, LIFE EXPECTANCY IS INCREASING


linhanhhihi 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2023   #1
There is evidence that the increase in life expectancy has appeared globally. Whilst a variety of drawbacks of this trend are witnessed, I truly believe that the benefits may outweigh them.

There are 2 main disadvantages can be seen in this tendency. The more noticeable one is the pressure on social care grows. The governments in many developing countries are less likely to cope with the issue that more people claim pension benefits, nor the needs of an ageing population. By way of example, Cambodia or the Phillippines, may feel struggle to meet an ever increasing number of retired workers and pension commitments, due to the greater funding demands. Another problem is that increased longevity can negatively affect the balance between the fertility and mortality rates. For instance, Japan are now facing a higher burden on the shrinking working population.

Take a look on the upside, the growth in life expectancy encounters various positive consequences. Firstly, people assume that this trend can boost human companionship among different generations. The much time the retired have with their family, the more meaningful memories can be built. Besides that, life expectancy at birth measures health status across all age groups. Being able to predict how populations will age has enormous implications for the planning and provision of services and support. As an effect, the authorities can plan decades ahead and make the quality of life more better and better.

To sum up, increased longevity in many societies have both pros and cons. Whereas the negative side of this trend mostly relates to general social matters, the postive one are mostly with respect to individuals, which can gradually justify those obstacles.

Dear friend who is going to read and evaluate my essay, I am an amateur and still lack lots of skills in writing
Please feel free to point out my mistakes and give me appropriate ways to fix it.
Thanks
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,662 4753  
Dec 8, 2023   #2
I truly believe that the benefits may outweigh them.

It would be better if you do not give an opinion like this in the restatement. The writing instruction simply asks you to present an advantage and diasadvantage discussion. You should not be referring to a personal opinion in such instances. It will lower your TA score when you include information or writing that is not requested in the discussion process.

Your connecting / transition phrases are not very effective. There is a sudden shift from one topic to another in the same paragraph, where the subjects are not connected. Next time, aim to use related information to create a cohesive paragraph presentation. Additionally, make sure that you develop the 2nd reason in the same manner and quality as the previous reason. Otherwise you will be scored based on under developed reasoning presentations.
Haohao0719 2 / 2 1  
Dec 14, 2023   #3
The overview does not reply to the request of the topic. It would be better to present the advantages and disadvantages with balanced views.
By the way, you should practice not using acronyms in your essay.
The supporting ideas of the first disadvantage seem to lack cohesion. The effect of the increase of longevity raising the pressure on social care should be presented, such as the health care system bears a burden of taking care of the elderly because old people may have a weak immune system,.... After that, the effect should be presented like the government may struggle with increasing the cost of the healthcare system,...

Here is my feedback, the remained ideas should threshed out similar with the structure that I have advised at the first main idea. Your essay will be more coherent

Please take my advice


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