Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

[Task 2] In many countries, children are spending several hours each evening doing homework.


happyfunny 4 / 5  
Oct 2, 2017   #1
Can everyone help me? My writing skill is not good.

school take time from children



In many countries, children are spending several hours each evening doing homework.
Should children be given homework?


Educational students are really important for their entire life so the ways to teach are also extremely important.In many nations, young people are spending a lot of ò hours every night studying at home.This method has many dí advantages and some advantages.

First of all, Doing homework in several hours each evening í wasting time and harming brain by many reasons.First, Relaxing state, which is the best state to study and easy to get the highest productivity,cannot receive by studying a long time without relaxing.Next, emotions are the core to keep living will be lost by trying to study during days.Task Satisfaction, which keeps people feel happy during holde life os very hard to figure due to spending a lot of time for homework, which doesn't mean everything with young people's future.Childhood is the beautiful time in the life so if students use it just for studying it is going to be the worst rue when they grow up.

Second of all, Homeworks are important as many causes. Firstly,Theories, which students learn from schools, need to practice to be achieved. self-study, which is really important for life, can be built by doing homework. Stability, which is important characteristics, is prating while doing homework during hours.

To sum up, Doing homework is important, however, we should spend enough not too much time for it to get all benefits and avoid failures.

Thanks

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Oct 2, 2017   #2
@happyfunny Since this is your first attempt at writing this essay, it is alright if I tell you that your attempt garnered a score of 1. The score is the result of your discussion which did not appropriately respond to the given task. Along with that, your presentation does not follow the format requirements for a Task 2 essay. Let's break down these problem points in order to help you better understand what you did wrong.

First of all, your opening paragraph does not make any sense as a representation of the original prompt. The opening paragraph should present your English comprehension skills to the reviewer by presenting the following:

1. An explanation of the topic for discussion in your own words.
2. Reasons why this topic is important.
3. Discussion instructions representative of the thesis statement in the original prompt.

Your opening statement offers sentences that are too close to the original. You must distance from the original presentation as much as possible the major similarities in the presentation constitute plagiarism and will lower your TA score. So your presentation should have been:

Across the globe, students are finding themselves spending more than a few hours doing their school assignments every night. This has led to the question as to whether students need to be given school related work to do at home. In this essay, I will discuss my opinion of this statement and offer explanations as to why that is so.

You need to learn how to focus on explaining only one reason per paragraph. That makes a total of no more than 3 reasons that present the following per paragraph:

1. Topic sentence at the start of the paragraph.
2. Supporting evidence
3. Detailed explanation or personal opinion / experience

The concluding statement that you wrote is also faulty as it doesn't properly paraphrase the preceding discussion in the correct manner:
1. Restate the discussion topic
2. Summarize the facts
3. Close the discussion

If you follow these outlines for your next essay, there should be an immediate improvement in your work and final score.
monopolymi 4 / 8  
Oct 2, 2017   #3
Hi, I think that you should describe your opinion in the first paragraph, agree or disagree.
In the second and third paragraph, you can write down the reasons why you agree or disagree and give examples. Finally, rephrase your opinion as the conclusion.


Home / Writing Feedback / [Task 2] In many countries, children are spending several hours each evening doing homework.