The countries with coffee harvesting and coffee consumption

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Pie charts

The pie charts given illustrate the countries where they have coffee harvest and coffee consumption. The figures also mention the economic outcome from coffee in different stages of production. Overall, the place with the high rate of coffee produced was not equivalent to a high rate of using or making a profit.

South America was responsible for the greatest rate of coffee production, 44% to be precise, while that only reached to nearly a half with 17% in Central America. Interestingly, when combined, the figure for South America still beat those for the remaining nations by 5%. In terms of consumption, it was reported that Europe had the first rank of spending on coffee at 55%, whereas, only 27% of that was contributed by other country, followed by North America and Japan, 11% and 7% respectively.

Interestingly, according to the last figure, total earning for the producer and explorer just was under a half of the seller, which reached to 25%. Nevertheless, the shipper by far accounted for the highest proportion of total profits among these states with 55%.

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Overall, the place area with the high highest rate of coffee ...

Interestingly Furthermore, according to the last figure, the total earnings for the producer and the explorer was just was under a half of (...) reached to 25%.

-You already used interestingly, I would consider a different word

My suggestion:
(grammar mistake)

The pie charts illustrate the countries where harvested and consumed coffee.

The figures also show the outcomes of coffee in different ...

ThaoNhi, your essay needs to produce a 4 paragraph essay in order to be considered fro a qualifying score. With only 3 paragraphs indicated, this shows that there are portions of the essay information that you neglected to cover in your report. That is why, even though you wrote 179 words, there will be a question as to whether or not this essay will be able to gain a proper, passing score in an actual setting.

For starters, the essay presents a summary overview but it is an incomplete overview because of certain important, but omitted information in the paragraph. You failed to mention that the information was collated from various around the world, collated into 3 regions. Each region had it share of comparison notes and that these comparison notes were never the same for any region and therefore, will not be compared for similarities as the prompt requests. The inclusion of this minute information would have created a stronger and higher TA score for this sort of essay. It would have also, helped you create the required 4 paragraph discussion.

Next, Since there are 3 pie charts presented, and you required a 4 paragraph essay, then each pie chart information, per region, should have been presented as a separate paragraph. After all, the individualized presentations will have helped to make it clear that there are no comparison points for any of the same criteria per country due to the clearly varying percentages presented for the 3 report topics.

Finally, your final paragraph is just one long run on sentence. Remember, you are scored on your ability to create complete paragraphs until the end of the essay. That means, you should not suddenly feel a need to just get it over with in terms of data presentation so you just write 2 extremely long sentences when the correct presentation would have been to break it up into 3 up to 5 sentences in order to assist you in the creation of simple and complex sentence presentations in the essay.