IELTS-In many countries there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

Currently, there are as much as unemployed person, who is graduated from advanced education, does not have occupation in many countries. In my opinion, it is essential that universities should stop traditional education, and have to re-structure an appropriate method.

Firstly, most of all companies still have abundance figure of vacant job, but this information is not convinced. Because print and television media have reported many times the redundancy message, causing applicants are intimidated. Actually, enterprise has been turning to hire others type of career, such as on-call, contract, part-time or temporary positions, therefore decline the number of permanent employment too. It has become a brand-new challenge to everyone.

If school still using the traditional education to instruct the students, it will harm their ability. In addition, it also is going to be a society issue. So, the educational institutions and the governments should solve this problem together. The institution can provide an academia-industry collaboration course to pupils. It is an occasion that they can realise the practical requests of industry, also training pupils how to use their acquaintance for workplace, or demand they go to be intern in company. And government should provide training scheme to these employed, subsequently you might get a permanent career. Furthermore, you should not refuse the temporary positions, when your capability is convinced, you also can get it.

Summary, we can't give up any opportunity that struggle to get a guaranteed job. And the revamp of teaching patterns and training scheme should execute as soon as possible.

(253 words)

Please help me.
Thanks you.

This sentence is poorly structured :( You need to pay attention to grammar and flow of ideas. My advice is that you should try simple and short sentences that would help you present your ideas with better clarity.

Today, there are many unemployed graduates. This has become a major issue in many countries.


In my opinion, it is essential that universities should stop offering traditional academic courses for the students. Instead they should re-structure them to suite career demands in the job market.

I think the introduction is not good, it is too short and u do not show too many things, such as why people cannot find a fob...or how serious it is...