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[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year

thaonguyen2910 1 / -  
Apr 11, 2021   #1
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

It is a promoted idea for youngers to take a gap year upon highschool graduation before entering university in some countries, which has both pros and cons that require careful evaluation before drawing a conclusion.

An evident advantage to having a break is that they can develop social skills including communication and problem-solving, which are beneficial for further education as well as their career later on. By working or traveling, young people are exposed to real life scenerios, allowing them to respond creatively on the spot. For example, while traveling, they might have to talk to strangers if they get lost, or learn how to survive a night in the cold weather with little to no food. These personal experiences will help them gain better understanding of themselves regarding strengths and weaknesses to determine what they want to major in if they decide to go to a university. Another strong point is that it helps saving time and resources. Once they are aware of their choices, one might opt for vocational school to attain a certificate to do the job they want with less time and money.

In spite of the mentioned benefits, one might argue that the time might be a waste if they do not get a professional intellectual job or if the trips are luxurious ones with little opportunity to sharpen their life skills. While it is a valid concern, it might be the case for a small number of young people with financial privileges, and even then, the skills learned from personal experiences are unique and cannot simply be measured by a brief observation.

Overall, it is apparent that the pros of taking a gap year before attending university outweigh the cons in a number of different ways. I am of the opinion that young people should be encouraged to do so.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498  
Apr 12, 2021   #2
This is an unnecessarily long essay that fails to deliver on 2 specific points:
- A proper word count of 250-290 words within 40 minutes
- Properly developed and clear topic developments in each paragraph

In the prompt restatement, you changed the discussion instructions by indicating that you will be providing a conclusion / opinion in the essay. That is a prompt deviation which will immediately lower your task accuracy score because the original instruction was to only discuss the advantage and disadvantage, nowhere in the original presentation were you asked to present your own opinion or come to a conclusion about the discussion. You will receive point deductions and word count deductions for references to this incorrect discussion prompt.

In the Advantage reasoning paragraph. The first idea is well represented and explained. It would have helped you get a high C&C score if you had not added the incompletely discussed second reasoning. You were asked to present only one advantage in the prompt, the second one is a throw away. That is why it became under developed. You are not scored on the amount of information you know. The score comes from the clarity of the information that you know, even if it is only based on one representative topic.

Your disadvantages discussion is also composed of little developed ideas in the presentation. You are only presenting reasons, but failing to explain them in a convincing manner. So the first 2 sentences had potential, then you failed to build on it. The next presentation did not even relate to the first discussion point so that only confused the reader, causing a lower C&C score for this presentation.
blackjack 1 / 1  
Apr 13, 2021   #3
For one thing,you did't answer the question directly because you changed the question from advantages and disadvantages to pros and cons.
For another,whereas you organized this essay well and there are some use of linking words,you failed to convince the readers because you are just giving the conclusion when you discuss your second point about advantages.

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