In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel before university

Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies

Essay:

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies which could have both positive and negative effects depending upon the situation and personality of the student.

The advocates of this theory arguably have some convincing logical reasons that support the fact that students should utilize the time between finishing the high school and starting university studies efficiently. It is believed that by travelling or working students can get exposure to lot of new experiences, students can learn and experience the practical hardships of life. They can understand the life style, traditions, cultural and religious norms of different places by travelling. It is also assumed that by working during the period between high school and university, students can actually get a practical work experience which enhances the chances of getting the jobs after finishing university studies because if there are two people with the same qualification and the one with practical work experience but the other one with no experience, it is highly likely that employers will prefer the one with work experience. Also, by working students can get reasonable knowledge about the worth of different industry sectors or organisations which can help them to decide which industry sector or organisation they like to grow their professional career and what professional qualification they need for that particular industry sector or organisation.

Despite the advantages, there are some drawbacks too. The students who take a break from studies for an year often find it difficult to switch-back to their academic life. It is also possible that students who start working and start earning money, they might become too dependent on that money that they may fail to re-continue their studies.

In conclusion, students should work only if they believe it will not affect their professional studies and it will have a good impact on their professional career.

[Note: This is my first essay, I am sorry if I broke any rules of the forum, also I search for the topic in the forum but the threads with this topic were closed.]

.... this is almost one to one from your prompt and that might work against you. Try to tell the same idea, but with different words.


... good sentence...it's lengthy, but nicely presented :)
Well... I guess you are preparing for TOEFL or IELTS. If that is the case, you need to manage time for this task very efficiently. So, I'd advice you to follow the four para structure with introduction, 2 body paras and conclusion (you seem to have these features in this essay). However, in your body paras you should restrict yourself giving just one reason to support your argument and then back it up with a specific reason. That's the best way to handle limited time you have for this task.

You write very well !
Good Luck!

Thank you very much and yes I am preparing for IELTS exam but I couldnot understand what you mean by:

this is almost one to one from your prompt and that might work against you. Try to tell the same idea, but with different words.

Do you mean I should try not start with the same words in the topic and use different words that give the same meanings as the topic

Ok... this is your prompt;


and this is part of your first line;


You have repeated the same words in your prompt for the first part of this sentence. What I meant was to present it differently.
As I once commented, you write very well and can easily go for a very good score. Pay attention to the essay structure and practice with time as time management has a major bearing on this task. I wish you good luck!