Here is the prompt,
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Why do we not value the creative arts more than we do? Why are subjects like music, drama, photography, and creative writing always the first to be cut from school budgets during hard times? Many would answer that, unlike math, science, history, and other subjects taught in school, the arts are unnecessary. But this is so untrue. The arts are as necessary as these other subject areas-possibly even more necessary.
Assignment:
Is it absolutely necessary for people to study the creative arts? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
MY ESSAY:
While many schools do neglect the importance of the creative arts, they fail to realize that the creative arts are very important to the student's academic progress. While the so-called 'practical subjects" such as math, science, are important, the creative arts, such as music, are equally important. The creative arts, unlike the sciences, are tools by which individuals can channel their emotions, whether they be violent, happy or melancholy.
This 'channeling of emotions" is incredibly important. When an individual comes home stressed, angry from work, what better way to relieve himself of this tension than painting or playing an instrument/ What the sciences lack, the creative arts have. A stressed individual isn't going to relieve his tensions by solving equations; he will have to engage in the creative arts. By tinkering on the piano, he can put all of his stress into playing the instrument. Such playing relieves his stress, and the sound of his music soothes him even more. Because of the lack of interest in creative arts, stressed children, especially teenagers, are relieving their tensions by engaging in violent games, which in turn have lead to increased violence at home and in the streets. Learning the history of the Roman Empire isn't going to relieve stress; painting, playing music, by which they can put themselves at ease, are the solutions to stress.
This is most exemplified in a friend of mind in school. Always getting good grades and prestigious awards, it might seem he has the perfect life. He doesn't. The practice of studying past midnight has taken a toll on him. Because of his dismissiveness of the creative arts, which he says take up too much of his time, he is constantly stressed. He maintains that nothing can relieve his stress. Instead of channelling his emotions via the creative arts, he chooses to read books. What he fails to realize is, even though engaging in the creative arts does consume time, it provides him the chance to escape from reality, putting all of his emotions into whatever art he is creating.
The creative arts allow people to let go of reality, pour their emotions out. This is the only way to relieve tension. It is crucial that people learn of the arts.
PLEASE Score My Essay out of 6. I am desperate.
I filled two pages, and my handwriting is small, but I'm sure it's legible!
Hello William,
From my point of view, the way your write some of the sentences doesn't sound right when I read them.
In my opinion, and according to my writing skills, above are some sentences that I think had/needed to be edited/corrected:
While many schools do neglect the importance of the creative arts, they fail to realize that the creative arts are very important to the student's academic progress.
Many schools neglect the importance of creative arts courses, although creative arts could be as important as other courses.
=)
While the so-called 'practical subjects" such as math, science, are important, the creative arts, such as music, are equally important. The creative arts, unlike the sciences, are tools by which individuals can channel their emotions, whether they be violent, happy or melancholy.
The so-called "practical subjects" such as math or science provide useful and basic knowledge to the students, and that allows them to make better decisions while they chose which career to pursue. However, I believe its important not to discard the creative arts from the list, because of the fact that...
Best regards,
I don't know how to score it! I like you, so I'll give it a 6, but I am a biased judge. No, just kidding... it's just that writing is one of those creative arts, and the quality of art can't be quantified.
While many schools do neglect the importance of the creative arts, they fail to realize that the creative arts are very important to the student's academic progress. ---If you use "while" this way, it makes it seem like you are saying their failure to realize is surprising given the fact that they neglect the importance.
You can do it like this:
While many educators do emphasize the importance of the creative arts, many fail to realize that...
Oh, I see that Lorenzo already gave a suggestion for that part. Yes, that idea is good, too!
Always getting good grades and prestigious awards, it might seem he has the perfect life. He doesn't. The practice of studying past midnight ----Wow, very impressive writing here. You are not desperate at all! Whatever number they give you out of 6, remember that you have a great talent for English writing.
