The following context is my essay. It is my SAT writing practice; can someone score it?Thanks.
Nowadays, the incessant innovation and creation of the society are marching with great speed. Tracing back to the ancient world when the First Industrial Revolution comes into being, marking the commencement of the era of creation in mankind's history, people begin to aware of the importance of creation. Hundreds of years later, in the modern society, creation becomes one of the few things that the world today needs more of, no matter in technology or environment.
Since the first computer invented during the Second World War 1940, computer becomes the most popular devise which human have ever made. With the mature of computer technology, the Internet is of the essential. Google, Firefox, Yahoo, MSN, and other search engines alike gradually pile up, the competition among them growing vigorously. In order to be lucrative, these companies are trying by all means to create something different from others and attract the costumers' attention. For instance, Google has a creative idea to identify and solve the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Therefore, Google's search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google's dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute. In short, the creative ideas in technology can help industry make more money in the market competition.
In this industrialized and globalized society, environment issue raises people's attention. Ever since the First and Second industrial Revolution, people were using coals and other fossil fuels more often. However, the over nonrenewable fuels excavating not only diminish the amount of these valuable sources, but also severely destroy the environment. In the world today, to create a new "Green" world with better environment condition, people develop the new ideas which are moving towards the use of solar energy, wind, water and other non-pollution, clean and safe natural energy. Creative is become more and more necessary not only for these environments but also most importantly, for human beings themselves.
In conclusion, in modern society, creative is needed more than ever. The world is no longer a new- born infant; it is becoming stronger and stronger day by day. Thus, more and more innovation and creation are required in the modern world than before; with new perceptions and ideas, people can utilize this world more easily and exploit its full potential.
4 out of 7.
This essay is lacking first of all, of a focus. You have to directly answer the question. Keep it simple. Youre trying to do too much with it and make it sound creative and fancy and whatever but you end up with a very roundabout introduction. I know they teach you differently in school, but the SATs are all about efficiency and focuses.
With the focuses themselves, youre a little lacking. You want at minimum of 2 preferably 3 areas of discussion. I'm talking about like technology/history, religion, science, whatever. Themes, if you will. Throughout the whole essay, you only focus on the technological/history aspect. You need to span out make it more argumentative, develop more areas of contention.
Also watch out for grammar. I'm guessing you wrote the essay under time constraints, but still, be careful.
Actually, I do think this essay has a good clear direction, and you assert your main idea in the first and also the last paragraph. That is very good.
You just need to correct some small errors, like this:
In conclusion, in modern society, creative innovation is needed...
Nowadays, the incessant innovation and creation of the society are marching with great speed. Tracing the process of innovation back to the ancient world when the First Industrial Revolution comes came into being, marking ...
No need for "the" with the word society:
Hundreds of years later, in the modern society, creation has become one of the few things that the world...
Use "the computer" when you want to talk about all computers instead of just one.
Since the first computer invented during the Second World War in 1940, the computer has become...
In this industrialized and globalized society, environmental issue s raises people's attention. Ever since the First and Second Industrial Revolution, people were have been using...
