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Crime is a serious problem in most countries and the crime rate has tendency to increase annually

Annie Tran 162 2 / 2  
Sep 17, 2017   #1
Please help me check this essay!

Causes of crime and solution

Each year, the crime rate increases
What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity.

My essay

It is true that crime is a serious problem in most countries, in particular, the crime rate has tendency to increase annually. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can be taken to control illegalities.

There are 3 main factors which people blame for the escalation in criminal behavior. The first and also the biggest cause of this problem is education deficiency. Several studies indicate that most of crimes were committed by people who had dropped out of high school or secondary school. Low educational background, along with parental neglect, often leads to the creation of more people with resentment towards society. Secondly, poverty is also a major cause of crime, people being struggling with financial problems tend to break the law more than others. Finally, alcohol and drug addiction could easily drive people to become offenders because they cannot control their behaviors.

However, several measures could be carried out to tackle this issue. To start with, strict punishments can act as a deterrent against crime. A sentence of five years' imprisonment, for instance, instead of three years for the same illegality can make people to consider carefully before making any law-breaking activities. Also, education contributes to heighten people's intellect and to form a civilized society. With access to high quality educational services, people would be equipped with knowledge about how crimes have negative influence on their communities, as a result the crime rate will decrease eventually. Furthermore, developing a healthy economy can solve many problems related to financial status or alcohol and drug abuse because of the decline in unemployment rate.

In conclusion, there are various causes as well as measures people need to take into consideration when dealing with crimes.

Thanks a lot!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,397 4385  
Sep 17, 2017   #2
Phuong, your opening statement doesn't really follow the guidelines for the prompt restatement. You need to present it in a manner that preserves the original presentation of the prompt. It would have been better presented as follows:

Crime rates are said to increase with each passing year. It would seem that there are several reasons as to why the crime rate is on the uptrend. In this essay, I will discuss two of the possible reasons for the increase in crime and offer a solution that can hopefully, help to lower the yearly crime rate.

The reason that I specified a 2 reason discussion is simple. You have 3 body paragraphs with which to discuss your complete analysis of the situation. The division of the paragraph body should be:

1. Reason 1
2. Reason 2.
3. Generally applicable solution to the problem.

Do not try to present too much information in the essay. This prevents you from fully explaining your opinion in each body paragraph. It would be best if you focus on one cause per paragraph so you have 4 more sentences to build up that reason discussion. Then the 3rd paragraph can offer a more generalized solution to the problem. The general solution offers you a better opportunity to gain a better GRA and LR score when compared to several under-explained solutions to the problem.

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