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Task 2: The increase on crime rate and how to tackle it


Maya29 14 / 18 14  
May 10, 2016   #1
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

One of the most surprising issues among people is the increase of crime rate in the world from year to year. I believe that the main causes of this problem are unemployment and inadequate education. However giving the citizens better education both in academic and life-skill are believed to be a good measure to tackle it.

People need money to live for sure. Unfortunately some of them are not well-educated and have no job to fulfil their living needs and lead them to commit crime to do that. Based on the data in United States stated there is a decrease in the level of burglary, rape, robbery and assault when unemployment was falling and vice versa. Moreover, 70% of the criminals come from a high-school drop-out or less. They don't know how to make money and get a prestigious life with their ability and knowledge. So, for an instant way to get income, they prefer to steal or rob richer people.

Nevertheless, giving them a good education not only in common knowledge, but also life-skills such as making handicraft, sewing and culinary is the best option to deal with this problem. It can help people to create their own job field and make more money from there. A research from Berkeley University reveals that a 1% increase in the education rate of all men ages 20-60 would save the United States as much as $1.4 billion per year in reduced costs from crime incurred by victims and society at large. The benefits for making more well-educated people not only take into account by the individuals themselves, but also have a larger social return.

It is clear that education is the best solution to reduce the number of criminals which are caused by unemployment and low education level. A good understanding from other people to help those who need is also good to maintain a peace in the society.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 10, 2016   #2
Maya, I did some contributions towards your introduction and first body paragraph. I hope you can follow through my feedback and mind some corrections that I have given to you.

- One of the most surprising issues among people is the increase of crime rate (I do not say that this is wrong, but perhaps you need to rethink about 'the most surprising issues'. I think that increasing number of crime is not a surprising issue, it is a common issue, or perhaps you can say recent issue.)

- that the main causes of this problem are unemployment (should be omitted, unnecessary details)
- However, (comma needed, remember, cohesive devices mostly followed by comma) giving the citizens...
- ...measure to tackle itthose problems . (I reckon that this word refers to nowhere, it is quite far, 'those problems' are more appropriate)
- Unfortunately, (another missing comma problem) some of them..
- ...are not well-educated and have no job to fulfil their living needs and , which possible to lead them to commit crime to do that(commit crime has already meant 'do something', putting 'to do that' will be redundant)

- Based on the data in the United States in 2010 , it stated that there iswas a dramatic decrease in the level of burglary, rape, robbery and assault when unemployment was falling and vice versa . (be careful in giving scientific 'fake' fact(s). It should be relevant and convincing. In this case, you missed the year and the tenses were mixed)

- Moreover, 70% of the criminals comecame from a high-school drop-out or less. (referring to previous past condition)
- They don'tdo not know how... (avoid using contraction(s) like this in academic essay)

There you are Maya, as you can see, I put additional explanation for each correction that I have made to make it as clear as possible for you.


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