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This essay will discuss the main reasons for increase the crime rate

Nilendra 3 / 8 3  
Mar 2, 2017   #1
Cambridge book 10, test A, task 2
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main causes of crime ?
How can we deal with those causes ?

main causes of the criminality rise

Criminal activities have risen all over the world in past few decades. This essay will discuss the main reasons for the former statement, and it will provide the possible solutions for those reasons.

It is undeniable that most of the criminals in contemporary world use advance technological methods to their activities. Most of the crimes occurring in the present-day related to online fraud. Moreover, these online criminals not only trying to steal the money of the people but, they are after the vital information of other people and countries. For instance; founder of the wiki-leaks website arrested due to accessing and stealing vital information of popular people, and countries, over the internet .

Furthermore, many people have died over the past few years due to gun fires. Most of the western countries, citizens can legally obtain weapons from the shops; whereas, in developing countries, gangster groups acquire these weapons illegally. Consequently, they use these weapons to kill their enemies, rather than solving problems legally or peacefully.

However, most of these crimes can be avoided if the governments make rules and regulations to punish the criminals. In addition, if governments banned the weapons for the public; it will be really beneficial for the safety of the citizens. Most of the developing countries do not have rules and regulations to act against cyber-crimes.

In conclusion, the increasing crime rate worldwide has alarmed everybody. Cyber-crimes and weak rules and regulations are the main reasons for this. However, governments can control this situation by introducing new rules and regulations.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15043 4827  
Mar 2, 2017   #2
NIlendra, there is a clear misunderstanding of the prompt which has led me to believe that you cannot score higher than a 3 for this essay. The main problem, is that you are not actually discussing the causes of crimes in the general manner that the discussion requires. Instead you focused on cyber crime and firearms misuse. Which generally are the accessories to the crime, not the cause of the crime. The main causes of crime that you should have discussed include, poverty, lack of education, lack of jobs, etc. These are the commonly known reasons for crime which are acceptable and easy to defend in this essay. The method by which these crimes can be dealt with would also be as simple as saying, improving the educational system, keeping people in school, encouraging them to attend vocational school, or having the government pay to train the people for jobs. Your response ran counter to the prompt expectations and did not really deliver an acceptable solution to the proposed problem. You have to first, understand the prompt topic and instructions before you can accurately outline the essay and discuss it. If you feel confused as to the proposed essay discussion, ask someone who has good English comprehension skills to explain it to you.
OP Nilendra 3 / 8 3  
Mar 2, 2017   #3
thank you very much. your advice is very helpful. hopefully i can correct most of my mistakes at the exam. thanks for taking your valuable time for reading and giving feedback for this essay.
akbarmappiare 31 / 468 275  
Mar 2, 2017   #4
Hi Nilendra, these below are my corrections for your writing. Please, you meet my notes and tackle them.
Firstly, you thesis statement containing your opinion was less strong. Its reason is because you only said that you know its causes and solutions, but you didn't mention. I suggest you are expected to write one or two words about the cause and solution so that readers obtain general draw what you will review in the body paragraph. Following this, you should keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least 3 sentences.

Secondly, you have to focus on the prompt statements given. I think you explained the topic widely. In the first body paragraph, the readers will tend to guess that you elucidated a type of crime in the present although you should concentrate on the cause. Besides that, if you wanna get a high score, your move from a sentence to another is supposed to be smooth. Honestly, the readers need reading this more once to get your point and logic. That case also occurred in the second body paragraph. Hopefully, you can pay attention to this matter.

After that, you require rewriting your conclusion. As we know, the conclusion is used to restate your opinion. In other words, to create the conclusion, you paraphrase your statement in the introduction.

Hopefully, these help you for finalizing your essay.
OP Nilendra 3 / 8 3  
Mar 2, 2017   #5
thank you very much. it is very helpful. I will concentrate about those when I am writing next time. thanks again.

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