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Cultural adaptation is an important factor that promotes unity and social integration in a community


Irving844 1 / -  
Jul 29, 2015   #1
Cultural adaptation is an important factor that promotes unity and social integration within a community. A nation consisting of various immigrants from all over the world requires occupants who are willing to integrate with natives and adopt their social norms and culture in order to promote unity and patriotism.

Apart from undermining the nation's patriotic will,clinging to cultural norms from original homelands hinders social integration in major cities and results in communal conflicts such as racial gang wars. Various theorists argue that Hispanic gangs in Los Angeles develop and grow due to social and racial variations such as language barriers. This exhibits the significance of cultural adaptation amongst immigrants.

However, this does not necessarily mean that original norms and cultures should be neglected and forfeited. While adapting new cultures exercised in their land of settlement, immigrants ought to retain their original cultures beliefs and practices in order to have a sense of identity and originality. In addition, various cultural heritages facilitate economic growth due to availability of diverse work forces and skills.

Dawn01 19 / 33  
Jul 29, 2015   #2
Hi, Irving844 !!!

Here I make some suggestions:

1. Please write the question completely so that readers enable providing meaningful feedback for your writing.

2.Your essay is too short and may not fit the word limit, whether it's an SAT, TOEFL, TOEIC, IELTS or other type of essays

3. You have to focus on linkers ( However, Therefore, In fact, Besides, Yet, Ultimetly). This will boost the coherence of your essay.

4.As for grammar, structure and style:

-A nation consisting of various immigrants from all over the world requires occupants who are willing to integrate with natives and adopt their social norms and culture in order to promote unity and patriotism.

You'd better say:
Immigrants who move to an ethnically-diverse nation must adapt themselve in the new community by learning more about culture and customs. This approach is critical to promote patriotism and unity.

--Various theorists argue that Hispanic gangs in Los Angeles develop and grow due to social and racial variations such as language barriers.
I am going to discuss this idea: I think that language barrier is not a serious problem because most of mexicans and Hispanic (Puerto Rican, Cuban.. etc) in general are capable to speak English. To go further, I believe that Hispanic words are enriching English and that there is a harmony between the two languages.Words like "fiesta" are used even by native Ameriacans

Good luck !!
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Jul 30, 2015   #3
You have written an excellent essay about cultural integration!
However, you need to explore the topic a little further, as three paragraphs is too short.

You could come up with one or two more topics for paragraphs, within the body. Perhaps you could mention that peace can come we people blend their diversity domestically, because this would make it more likely to get along with foreign nations.

However this does not necessarily mean...

This is not a conclusion, but a contrasting opinion. That's fine but you need a true conclusion which sums up the entire essay.

A nation consisting of...

This is not a true thesis statement. You need to intproduce all the ideas of the body paragraphs.

Very well done but needs some revision of the intro and conclusion. List all the discussed ideas in both! This will strengthen your essay, and give it classic form. This should put you in better standing with whoever gave the assignment.

Good job!

ef _carol


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