'cultural monuments' Why people visit a museum while visiting a new place?

Hi...i have gone through the article Why people visited a museum while visiting a new place posted by Vaishali . As I am trying to develop my English so I tried the same topic in different way.

Need some feedback and correction...

It's human nature, human curiosity or enthusiasm to know the history of a place while traveling for the first time and apart from books museum is a perfect place to know about all these things

A museum is a place where a large number of interesting and valuable objects, such as work of art or historic items are kept, studied and displayed for public.

It is the collection of those entire cultural monuments which we should know while visiting a new place. Cultural, traditional as well as religious variation occurs from place to place and these factors don't changes in one day. Its take a long time to create culture and tradition, and which were in a reforming trend from the time of our ancestor and in a museum all those documentation and heritage proof are kept from which we come to know about all this thing. War histories, revolutionary political change of that region are some of the things which are kept in a museum. And to know about all these thing visitors always visit a museum. In some cases it becomes famous tourist spot for its artistic creativity and becomes a world heritage site.

In ancient time many traveler used to visit different kingdom and write manuscript which gives detail knowledge about the place of that time. Its cultural, political, traditional history, about our ancestor, their lifestyle, food, dresses etc. Now these scripts are preserved in museum for public.

So I like to conclude that, a museum is a perfect place to spent holiday. Museum is the witness of our past and present. It has come to represent the mirror of a region

and these factors don't change in one day


It takes a long time


It takes a long time to create culture and tradition. These have been undergoing reformation from the time of our ancestors. In a museum, the documentation and the heritage proofs concerned to these are kept which helps us to enlighten ourselves.


And to know about all these things


it becomes a famous tourist spot


In ancient times many travelers used to visit different kingdoms and write manuscripts which gives detailed knowledge about the place of that time.


about our ancestors


preserved in a museum


to spend a holiday

the conclusion is very short.

Overall, your essay comes to be interesting. Hovewer, information was organized unsystematically which complicates proper evaluation of your writing. I would advise to follow a general essay structure which is:

1. introdiction, where you provide general ideas about the topic and demonstrate your opinion by writing a theses statement.
2. body of the essay subdivided into separate paragraphs: one paragraph for each reason. here you should develop each of point with supporting ideas, examples and details

3.conclusion, which should consist of not less that 2 sentences, where you list your arguments once more and complete it with some original finalizing sentence

best of luck!

Cultural, traditional, as well as religious variation occurs from place to place and these factors don't change in one day.

It's taken a long time to create culture and tradition,...

and which were in a reforming trend from the time of our ancestor and in a museum all those documentation and heritage proof are kept from which we come to know about all this thing.This should be revised for clarity, it's very hard to follow.

To learn more about these things , visitors always go to a museum.

In some cases it becomes a famous tourist spot...

In ancient times, many travelers used to visit different kingdoms and write manuscript which gives detailed knowledge about the place of that time.

Its cultural, political, traditional history, about our ancestors , their lifestyle, food, dress etc. Now these scripts are preserved in museums for the public.

Thanks susan and azeri.thanks for your valuable guide.i will try to improve in from my next writing.