Hi,
Could someone help me review my writing for IELTS writing task? thx a lot for any comments
BR
IELTS GT Writing Task2
Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aims at tourists, other people believe that it is the only way to save such conditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Nowadays there are different views about the way to preserve cultural traditions. Some people think it is only possible to save cultural traditions by making those traditions profitable, for example to attract tourists in order to make money. While others have a totally different idea, they are worried that those traditions will be destroyed when used as money-machine.
It is totally understandable that some people are worried about the destiny of cultural traditions when they are used to attract tourists. When a cultural tradition is used as a business to make money, its destiny can not be fully controlled by itself. The investors may deliberately modify some parts of the tradition in order to make it more profitable and more attractive. There is a famous local opera, which is similar with Beijing Opera, in my home town, and the local government hopes to attract tourists by it. Since this local opera has a history of more than 200 years, it is not easy to understand for most of the tourists because they don`t have background knowledge. In order to make tourists like it, local government replace most of its content with different pronunciation in order to make it easier for tourists to understand. In my opinion, they may destroy the opera by doing this.
On the other hand, we see lots of cultural traditions nowadays facing serious problems simply because people can not make a living out of them. The key factor for preserving a cultural tradition is people. Without people, it is not possible to keep the tradition. In my home town, there is a small village where local people has a tradition of painting for Spring Festival. In the past, they painted and sold the paintings on the market before the festival. However nowadays there is much less people who keep this tradition of painting because it takes time and not profitable thanks to modern printing technique. In order to keep cultural traditions, we need to make them self-sustainable.
As far as I am concerned, it is a good thing that people can make money by keeping their cultural traditions. They can concentrate on those traditions if they don`t need to worry about how to raise their families. The most important thing is to find a balance between keeping the pure cultural traditions and making them profitable. We should neither replace a tradition by fake one just for making more money, nor abandon a tradition because it is no longer profitable. Our society or government also should take responsibility for keeping cultural tradition by encouraging people to keep them.
Could someone help me review my writing for IELTS writing task? thx a lot for any comments
BR
IELTS GT Writing Task2
Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aims at tourists, other people believe that it is the only way to save such conditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Nowadays there are different views about the way to preserve cultural traditions. Some people think it is only possible to save cultural traditions by making those traditions profitable, for example to attract tourists in order to make money. While others have a totally different idea, they are worried that those traditions will be destroyed when used as money-machine.
It is totally understandable that some people are worried about the destiny of cultural traditions when they are used to attract tourists. When a cultural tradition is used as a business to make money, its destiny can not be fully controlled by itself. The investors may deliberately modify some parts of the tradition in order to make it more profitable and more attractive. There is a famous local opera, which is similar with Beijing Opera, in my home town, and the local government hopes to attract tourists by it. Since this local opera has a history of more than 200 years, it is not easy to understand for most of the tourists because they don`t have background knowledge. In order to make tourists like it, local government replace most of its content with different pronunciation in order to make it easier for tourists to understand. In my opinion, they may destroy the opera by doing this.
On the other hand, we see lots of cultural traditions nowadays facing serious problems simply because people can not make a living out of them. The key factor for preserving a cultural tradition is people. Without people, it is not possible to keep the tradition. In my home town, there is a small village where local people has a tradition of painting for Spring Festival. In the past, they painted and sold the paintings on the market before the festival. However nowadays there is much less people who keep this tradition of painting because it takes time and not profitable thanks to modern printing technique. In order to keep cultural traditions, we need to make them self-sustainable.
As far as I am concerned, it is a good thing that people can make money by keeping their cultural traditions. They can concentrate on those traditions if they don`t need to worry about how to raise their families. The most important thing is to find a balance between keeping the pure cultural traditions and making them profitable. We should neither replace a tradition by fake one just for making more money, nor abandon a tradition because it is no longer profitable. Our society or government also should take responsibility for keeping cultural tradition by encouraging people to keep them.
