Why did you center on vietnam? That is not the focus of the essay. The discussion focus has changed. This inaccuracy will result in a scoring deduction.
my perspective will be proposed
Give your opinion at once since you are implying the 5 paragraph discussion forumat rather than the 4 paragraph, per public . consideration (a personal opinion for each reason).
Vietnamese cultural traditions
Another incorrect topic reference, another deduction applied. Use a general country reference next time.
making Vietnamese cultures
You have a completely wrong understanding of the original topic as provided.
All task 2 essays do.not have a particular country focus. General discussions should use reasons applicable to any country. You may use your country as a stated example but, it should not be the discussion target.