Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


Some cultures value more the elderly people, while others paid more attention on young generation



Gulnar604 2 / 2  
Jul 27, 2014   #1
In today's world, while some countries place enormous value on elder people, other cultures tend to value young generation more. In this essay, I would like to account for the reasons why older and younger citizens are more valued in some cultures and which contributions are made by these two age groups to any societies.

First and foremost, old-aged people are more valued than the youth in some cultures as they are some obvious reasons to justify this preference. Initially, senior citizens are mostly more experienced and therefore, much better at decision-making process as well as leadership. Some developed countries like Chine for instance, pay higher value on its older population, and since patient and kind senior citizens are beneficial and productive at team work as well as management, old aged officials dominate in Chinese leadership. Older politicians can easily deal with national and international affairs rather than young ones. In addition like Chine, other eastern cultures such as Yemen and Japan also place huge attention and value on the elderly, often adhering to traditional age hierarchies. A traditional Asian household is far more likely to include a grandfather, and the whole family takes it for granted by getting precious advice, knowledge from the elder family members.

On the other hand, in some cultures people hold the view that youngsters have to be valued more than old generation as they are more creative, energetic, powerful and adaptable. Firstly, values of Western cultures tend to celebrate youth, self-reliance and individualism, and nursing homes in the United States and Australia as well as other parts of Western cultures pay too much heed on the youth as they are in the opinion that young citizens re more creative, and creativity plays a key role in the development of organization, just like an engine cannot operate without fuel. New and small-scale companies need practical proposals and ideas in order to develop and increase revenues. Furthermore, some countries take into consideration that young people are the future of their society, and regard the education and education system as one of the most pivotal factor in the development. . To specify, Finland for example, established one of the best school systems in the world. Moreover, Moscow and West coast of United States have recently increased the amount of scholarships and grants given by governments to students.

To sum up, some cultures place more value on the elderly whereas young generation is paid more attention in other countries. In the light of the facts outlined above, the experience and an outlook of elder people and high energy of youth are the integral parts of any successful systems.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Jul 27, 2014   #2
Did you finish it into 40 minutes?
Make sure that you include the task of this question. Some essays have "agree/disagree", "discuss both views", or "problems and solutions", etc... By this, it helps you readers easy to follow the logical order and share meaningful feedback.

for instance

for example,

I always suggest others to write specific examples. To have the detailed ones, they have to ask some journalistic questions: how many? who? when? what? results?. Also, presenting specific example(s) means that you are successful to support in-depth discussion as supporting sentences.

huge attention

value on

they are not colloquial phrases

Chine

do you mean Chinese / China?
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 28, 2014   #3
In today's world, while some countries place enormous value on elder people, other cultures tend to value young generation more.

Well, country and culture represent two types of groups. It is always better to use the word "culture" when you talk about values :)

In this essay, I would like to account for the reasons why older and younger citizens are more valued in some cultures and which contributions are made by these two age groups to any societies.

Well, I guess your essay expects you to express your view on this issue. (it is always good to include your full essay prompt in your post so that we get a good understanding about what it really requires from you). If so, it is better you conclude your introduction by stating your opinion clearly.
OP Gulnar604 2 / 2  
Jul 30, 2014   #4
thanks for comments, yes, it took 40 minutes to write this essay. Traditional Chinese family, and China.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jul 31, 2014   #5
It is a little bit difficult to provide more meaningful feedbacks without seeing your full prompt. However, I guess this is an Agree/ Disagree type of topic. If so, I wish you rephrased your thesis statement to express your opinion very clearly to the reader as it is the one that influences your reader to take his thoughts in your desired direction.

Post your full prompt for us to give more feedbacks on your intro.

On the other hand, in some cultures people hold the view that youngsters have to be valued more than old generationpeople as they are more creative, energetic, powerful and adaptable.the future of the world.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some cultures value more the elderly people, while others paid more attention on young generation
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳