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Music being benifical to bring people of other cultures and generation together


meoubeolu 1 / 1  
Mar 16, 2020   #1

music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together



Nowdays, music is belived that being benifical to bring people of other cultures and generation together. I totally agree with it.
People like music of a other contry, they can get deeper insight into culture of this nation.. In fact, mucsic can touch on our soul without undersanding about a song. It makes us love music of this contry, so people tend to learn about language, residents or history of this culture. For Example when you like KPOP, thanks for the song you can understand more about faction and language of Korea.

Only by music can people in diffirent generations are closer. people listen the same type music can organize the meet to share their collections of this. It make opportunities for peole in other generations connecting. For example, who people love war music are 20 years old, that make easy to talk with people who are 50 years old.

In conclusion, music is good way to close different cultures and genertions.

ravatrav 3 / 6 3  
Mar 17, 2020   #2
Nowdays Nowadays, music is belived believed that being benifical to be beneficial to bring people of other various cultures and generation together. People who like the music of a other another contry country,....

....For example, who people people who love....

@meoubeolu I noticed there are quite a lot of spelling mistakes and some grammatical errors there that you need to work on. Be careful when choosing the words for paraphrasing as it is able to divert the original meaning of the sentence if you pick it wrong. Elaborating more of your idea will help the reader to understand your points better, for example you can explain more about why people might get an insight of a country whose song they listen to and then move on to connect it to their culture. I think it will be better if you provide a relevant example with a bit of explanation. In my point of view as a reader, the examples you provided above are too straightforward that I found it hardly relevant with your previous sentences. As I've said before, adding a little bit of short explanation following the example can boost your statement there.

I hope it helps even just a tiny bit. Wishing you a good time in your learning and cheers!
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 17, 2020   #3
Your prompt paraphrase is too short and does properly reflect the indicated discussion topic, reasons, and question from the original prompt. You cannot just take the topic sentence and then give a response to the stated question. Although you properly responded to the question, you did not indicate the reasons that this discussion is important based on the reasons given in the original presentation. Therefore, you will lose points for creating an incomplete prompt paragraph. You need to have at least 3 sentences for that section.

Regardless of the error in the discussion paraphrase, there is no way that this essay will get a passing score. You see, there is 250 word minimum requirement for the task 2 essay. You only wrote 162 words. Deductions in the TA section will be made based on the error in formatting and missing word count. When the total number of errors in this essay are totaled, you will not be anywhere near a 5 band score.
OP meoubeolu 1 / 1  
Mar 17, 2020   #4
@ravatrav
@Holt
thanks for feedbacks, they are really useful with me!! <3 <3


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