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Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Aug 27, 2018   #1
Would you give me a score for this essay? Thank you all.

The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems.

What are those problems, should we discourage people to use cars?

The popular trend of using modern vehicles in recent decades has triggered a lot of controversial questions in public about car emission damage and whether we should oppose this tendency. My essay below will indicate problems stated above, but it not means that they are too hazardous to prevent people taking advantages of cars.

On the one hand, it cannot be denied that air pollution is one of the most remarkable concerns of our contaminated environment, which is set off by modern engine's exhaust. Cars emit greenhouse gas and carbon dioxide which increase the risk of air pollution and global warming. Besides, cars' exhaust can easily impregnate people's respiratory systems, impair their health and cause breath-and-lung-related diseases.

Futhermore, the unrestricted consumption of cars is equivalent to noise pollution. Especially who live nearby central cities like New York, London, etc will always be bothered by horn and traffic jam noise which do harms to people's daily activities and their spirits. For instance, if your house or your office closing to a crowded road, all the times you must stand the unwanted noise in both working and leisure times but can not do anything to stop this.

On the other hand, the more modern world becomes, the more faster-demanded transportation appears. Human's life circles make them find less convenient and slower when moving by public means. It is impossible to seek out a unique service suiting everyone's demands and matching their needs in all kind of urgencies like travels, meetings and medical examinations. It is worth noting that using cars is a person's deserved right to enjoy a self-serving life accordingly any prevention decree on possessing modern vehicles can trigger more controversial responses.

Viewed from different sides, multiple problems in both air and noise pollutions are stem from the overused utilization of cars, but the precise method to alleviate them is not as strict as the one mentioned. In lieu of that, we can either increase taxes on cars which do not comply with the rule of standard

jam92 4 / 7 2  
Aug 27, 2018   #2
The main content of the essay is understandable but there are many aspects where improvement can be done. I am summarizing key points in general where you can work on:

1. Grammatical errors
2. Limitations in using transitional words
3. Problems in sentence development

Thank you for your consideration.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,636 2523  
Aug 28, 2018   #3
Linh, your possible score for this essay will be a 4. There are problems with your essay based on the overall scoring considerations. Your TA score is definitely what pulled down your score because you did not properly format your response in the expected manner.

For the TA, you should have given a direct response in your opening paraphrase. The direct response is a requirement for these direct question essays. So your last 3 sentences should have indicated 2 problems and one solution in order to have gotten a better TA score. The response should have been similar to:

People use cars in all aspects of transportation. The problem is that the constant use of cars cause health problems due to the aggravated air pollution problem stemming from the unlimited use of gasoline powered cars. As such, I believe that the use of cars should not be fully discouraged but rather, curbed among its regular users.

You will notice that I presented 2 connected problems in the prompt paraphrase. I did that because for the body of paragraphs, there should be a representation of 3 discussion points based on the 2 related problems:

1. Health problem caused in humans such as Asthma (breathing problems)
2. Pointing out that the main cause of Asthma is the increasing air pollution coming from unlimited car usage.
3. Explanation why my belief that limiting car usage to a certain extent will help reduce the 2 problems indicated.

By presenting supporting discussions in a 5 paragraph format, I will have completely and clearly addressed all of the prompt requirements which include a possible solution to the problem through the limitation of car usage.

You have an acceptable approach to the discussion but you lack clear explanations and examples that can fully support your stance. Your language becomes a bit unclear because you use terms such as "impregnate" which is not usually used to describe air pollution or its effects. While the other meaning of the term is to soak or saturate using a substance, the succeeding explanation in your paragraph was insufficient so it did not really explain why you used that term to describe a health issue related to pollution.

Word choice matters in these essays. Do not use terms such as "etc." because that connotes an informal discussion. End the sentence with a period instead and work on developing your supporting explanations in a clear manner.

Remember, the concluding summary should close the discussion by recapping the previous body of information. You should not continue to address solutions to the problem in that paragraph because you will create an open ended essay and lose more TA points.