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Some Daily Light Foods Trigger Serious Disease

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
Emulsifiers is one of light foods such as ice cream, chocolate bar, bread, soda and margarine, ingredients that is used to gain the best texture of the food. Nonetheless, fact says that cancers are triggered through the mentioned substance. Emilie Viennois, has carried out a study toward Emulsifiers and find out that this stuff could make the consumers suffering chronic cancer-death disease since Emulsifiers can bear inflammation and colorectal cancer. Another conducted study stated that involved mice consumed Emulsifiers results the rodents having tumor.

Viennois suggests everyone to minimize the consumption of snacks and have a healthy diet in order to reduce the amount of dangerous chemical be eaten. Even though there is a regulation not to utilized Emulsifiers one to two percent in each product, no one can count how much Emulsifiers come to our body.

Source : cosmopolitan

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,816 2619  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
When writing in a formal tone, do not use words such as "stuff" in the summary. That indicates a lack of vocabulary skill and removes the seriousness by which the original article was written. Also, the original article makes mention of previous studies and publications that deal with this topic, you should have properly cited those original sources in the summary as well. Since the result of article quoting Veinnois was built up over a series of preceding articles, then all the related research should have been included in the overview as well.

Most of the issues with your essay has to do with proper sentence structure. The presentation tends to be confusing because of the way you developed the sentence for presentation. However, the lack of proper grammar and presentation did not give the reader a hard time because the meaning of the statement was left clear within your written work. The fact that you followed a logical development and presentation for the important information helps to increase the final score of this practice essay to an overall score of 5. At least, that is my opinion of how I would score your work as an examiner.

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