In this day and age, the number of aspiring teachers is on the decline

fewer and fewer people want to become teachers nowadays

In this day and age, the number of aspiring teachers is on the decline, especially in secondary school. In my opinion, this is primarily due to low salary and the demand of the job which can be mitigated by raising teacher's pay and reducing the burden of work.

On the one hand, there are several reasons for the decline in secondary teachers, one of which is low salary. To specify, salaries earned by teachers are lower compared to other professions due to the government's welfare. For example, the remuneration in teaching careers is just a bit higher than the minimum wage. This perhaps can discourage people from pursuing a teaching career. Another cause that magnifies the problem is the demands of teaching are too great for a lot of people. To elaborate, apart from teaching in school, secondary teachers often have to prepare lesson plans, mark papers , work with parents,..and deal with student's bad behaviors. Compared to that, a university teacher's burden of work is much less than a secondary teachers. As a consequence, secondary school teachers might face extreme stress and lose work-life balance, which is hazardous to both the psychological and physical well-being of the teacher.

The alarming low numbers of secondary school teachers requires immediate actions from the authorities and individuals. First of all, reducing the burden of work might be an ideal solution. Schools should set a maximum number of hours per week that teachers can work or the government can appoint more teaching assistants, in order to reduce stress on teachers. Moreover, teachers' wages should be raised. It is possible for the government and the education ministry to increase the secondary teacher's minimum wage. Although the lack of finances could pose a considerable challenge to this solution, schools can draw on other financial resources such as donations or scholarships from private educational organizations. By doing this, a large amount of money can be saved and schools can raise teacher's salaries steadily.

In conclusion, the fact that fewer people are drawn to becoming secondary school teachers could be ascribed to low salary and the difficulty of the job. This negative perception can be properly addressed by a pay rise and reduction of the work-load.

The prompt restatement + writer's opinion paragraph is too busy, too confusing to read. You need to understand how a sentence works. It must stand alone when delivering the idea behind a topic. That is why you are requested not to compress the information provided in the original prompt into a mere few sentences. You need to use the total 5 sentences alloted for the paragraph to do that. Your current presentation does not meet the clarity and cohesiveness requirements to gain a passing preliminary score. You must also bear in mind that you cannot write almost 400 words for this task during the actual test. Since you will be allotted an hour to write both the task 1 and task 2 essays, dividing the writing time on your own for both topics, you will need to limit your word count to no more than 300 for the task 2 essay. Do not write just for the sake of lengthening the essay. Writing just the right number of words would have helped you avoid the forced errors in this presentation that were all caused by over-writing.