It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?
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Every day we live we are put under the circumstance of choice. Whether as simple as deciding between pasta and deli for lunch or choosing between two prospective employees to hire, choices are the inevitable forks in the road of life. Before choices are made, there exist millions of possibilities of how our lives could end up; but by deliberately choosing our paths at each decision we must make, we turn exactly one of those possibilities into reality. Evident in both fictional and actual lives, our choices ultimately create the lives we have.
The choices we make mold our lives by giving us the chance to seize opportunities and turn bad situations into good ones. Such is the case of Frida Kahlo, a famous Hispanic painter plagued by tragedy throughout her entire life. Struck with polio as a young girl and then bedridden for several years following a catastrophic bus accident, Kahlo was crippled physically. Yet during her recovery, she made the decision to draw every day, as a part of her recuperation. Her decision reflected her strength and perseverance, which ultimately poured through in her paintings. As a result of her choice to seek out her passion despite being under the worst conditions, Kahlo became an internationally recognized artist, proving that our lives are mutable through our choices.
Our decisions can not only bring us higher, but may also result in our downfall. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Scarlet Letter, reverend Arthur Dimmesdale makes a choice that renders him one of the lowest sinners in his Puritan town. Repeatedly afterwards, he is given the opportunity to make peace with and accept his sin, or to hide from it. Each time his cowardice overwhelms him and he chooses to push away his grievance and suppress it. It is those decisions that gradually allow his secret to eat him out alive, and as a result, his life becomes consumed by it. Through poor decisions, Dimmesdale's choices resulted in his death.
While some may argue that our lives are not solely determined by our choices, choices are the majority, if not all, that directs how we live. Any action or event, when viewed from a certain angle, can be considered a choice. Consequently, choices will either open doors to a brighter lifestyle or drag us down into a darker world. As demonstrated by the exceptional life of Frida Kahlo and The Scarlet Letter's pitiful Arthur Dimmesdale, our lives are clearly the result of our choices.
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Prompt: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?
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Every day we live we are put under the circumstance of choice. Whether as simple as deciding between pasta and deli for lunch or choosing between two prospective employees to hire, choices are the inevitable forks in the road of life. Before choices are made, there exist millions of possibilities of how our lives could end up; but by deliberately choosing our paths at each decision we must make, we turn exactly one of those possibilities into reality. Evident in both fictional and actual lives, our choices ultimately create the lives we have.
The choices we make mold our lives by giving us the chance to seize opportunities and turn bad situations into good ones. Such is the case of Frida Kahlo, a famous Hispanic painter plagued by tragedy throughout her entire life. Struck with polio as a young girl and then bedridden for several years following a catastrophic bus accident, Kahlo was crippled physically. Yet during her recovery, she made the decision to draw every day, as a part of her recuperation. Her decision reflected her strength and perseverance, which ultimately poured through in her paintings. As a result of her choice to seek out her passion despite being under the worst conditions, Kahlo became an internationally recognized artist, proving that our lives are mutable through our choices.
Our decisions can not only bring us higher, but may also result in our downfall. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Scarlet Letter, reverend Arthur Dimmesdale makes a choice that renders him one of the lowest sinners in his Puritan town. Repeatedly afterwards, he is given the opportunity to make peace with and accept his sin, or to hide from it. Each time his cowardice overwhelms him and he chooses to push away his grievance and suppress it. It is those decisions that gradually allow his secret to eat him out alive, and as a result, his life becomes consumed by it. Through poor decisions, Dimmesdale's choices resulted in his death.
While some may argue that our lives are not solely determined by our choices, choices are the majority, if not all, that directs how we live. Any action or event, when viewed from a certain angle, can be considered a choice. Consequently, choices will either open doors to a brighter lifestyle or drag us down into a darker world. As demonstrated by the exceptional life of Frida Kahlo and The Scarlet Letter's pitiful Arthur Dimmesdale, our lives are clearly the result of our choices.
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