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In the days and ages, the world has been witched by the explosion of migration in big cities


nhiphuong 1 / 1  
Sep 4, 2018   #1

TOPIC ABOUT CITY LIFE



More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

In the days and ages, the world has been witched the explosion of migration in big cities. People tend to resettle in urban cities to have a better life, however, it is certain that life in metropolises brings many drawbacks. From my perspective, the authorities have the responsibility for making city life better for their citizens.

To begin with, the urban population explosion has caused many serious problems such as the shortage of accommodation and amenities. Besides, the living expanse in big cities is higher than in small towns as individuals must pay for housing, transport and basic necessities with high prices. Pollution is a consequence of many big cities like vehicle emissions have caused air pollution and sound pollution. Water pollution in many urban cities has increased into a hot issue because there is a huge amount of domestic sewage from households and industrial sewage from factories that exhausted in rivers or lake without government agencies' management. One of the popular problems in these cities is infrastructure overload with traffic congestion and overcrowded public services such as health care, education and so on.

To solve the problems in big cities, the state should invest money infrastructures and social housing to reduce the cost of living. In addition, it is necessary to restrict vehicle from city centers and promote the use of clean public transports to reduce traffic jam and air pollution.

It is undeniable that city life brings many benefits for citizens however, the overpopulation has caused many difficulties for both residents and government. The authorities should make strong actions to tackle these problems to reduce the pressure on major cities.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Sep 5, 2018   #2
@nhiphuong since this is a direct question essay, you should be presenting at least one difficulty in the prompt paraphrase that includes a reference to a possible solution to the problem if living in the city. By the way, your first sentence is unclear. What exactly do you mean by the reference to "witched"? The root word of this term is "witch" which is defined as " A person, especially a woman, claiming or popularly believed to possess magical powers and practice sorcery". Now based on the definition of the root word, it is obvious that this is not the proper term to use in the sentence. Using such misinformed words repeatedly in your essay will result in point deductions for the LR score. Do not use words that you are uncertain about when it comes to the meaning of it. Do not use words that you think means what you think. Use only words that you understand the meaning of, even if those are only simple English words in order to prevent points deductions in relevant sections such as the LR and GRA sections.

Now, you failed to explain the difficulties of living in the city. All you did that list reasons why living in the city could be difficult. Since the essay requires you to explain reasons. You should pick 2 related reasons such as the expensive cost of rent and living expenses and the difficulty of finding a job in the city. Discussing both in a related manner that creates a proper explanation as to why these difficulties are important to note.

Your solution is not well thought out nor explained. It lacks in terms of paragraph development in relation to your C&C scoring. Overall the essay you wrote is not very convincing and lacks proper discussion development throughout. This can be improved by a more selective presentation of the discussion topics and a more relevant use of English vocabulary.

I would like to focus on these two problems of your presentation for now as these are the ones that had the most points deducted for it in this essay. I fear that if you do not improve in these sections, you will not be able to increase your scoring potential. Take note of my observations and try to correct your mistakes with your next essay. I look forward to reading your improved work.


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