These days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology

TOPIC:2
Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.

Why do you think that is? Recently
What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Art has been important in the world over the years. Nevertheless, there are few people in the public who are interested in art in recent times. The arguments are that people can easily make money in business, science and technology areas and also the robotic time which has impact on people force them to be computerized. These arguments will illustrate the point of view which will show some reasons of the lessen interests of people on art in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, the time that we live now is mechanical period. So, everything we use everyday is automatic and people can easily pick up technological matters. For instance, a man is able to pay its payments on the Internet not going to the bank. Another example is that everybody uses mobiles, computers in their everyday life. So, people tend to be automatic and avoid creative activities. In conclusion, most of them concentrate on the science and technology not on the art.

Secondly, the economic sides are the most considered in the society after transition to capitalism. So, the ratio of people making money in business is more than the ratio of people making money in arts. For example, a businessperson takes profit his business every month by making huge money but the artist swallows in difficulty until he sells his paintings. Therefore, people analyze such real situations and decide to focus on business. As a result, many get away from the art by purpose making a lot of money on business sectors.

In conclusion, many people depreciate to work in art sector and have tendency to make great effort in science, technology and business in todays. Above analyzed the arguments are which they can make more profit in these sectors and become not creative. In order to increase peoples' interests in the arts governments should promote and subside the arts in the world.

Let me try..

The arguments are that people can easily make money in business, science and technology areas and also the robotic time, which has an impact on people force them to be computerized.

These arguments will illustrate the point of view, which will show some reasons of the lessen interests of people on art in the following paragraphs.

I would like to give you some suggestions.

In the first paragraph and third sentence, you can end the sentence with "technology". If you want to be more specific about forms of technology, you could give more details in the next paragraphs. Here is a suggestion for the word order of your last sentence:" These arguments will illustrate some reasons people are losing interest in art."

When you begin the next paragraph, I think you should change the word mechanical to "technological". When you give the example of a man you should state "his payments". You use the word mobiles. Would you like to use mobile phones? Here is a suggestion: "So people tend to use technology and avoid creative activities."

The third paragraph, you should separate these words: business person. Also, delete swallowsindifficulty and replace with "struggles".

Let me try the introduction :

Science, technology and business has immense influence on human being. While in the past inhabitants much appreciate art as an important subject of life, it become not attractive any more in this computerized era. These arguments will illustrated the point of view which will show some reasons of the lessen interests of people on art in the following paragraphs.

I guess this is your thesis statement
These arguments will illustrate the point of view which will show some reasons of the lessen interests of people on art in the following paragraphs.

In the introductory section, you need to put thesis statement. Here, the task is asking you to answer briefly:
1. Why do you think that is?
you answer it by saying: ...will show some reasons ...
2. What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

But in the second question, I could not find that your thesis addresses it.