Unanswered [9] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 4

How to Deal with Depression; Three bad influences


QiuChen  
Feb 13, 2018   #1

to get rid of depression



In recent years, depression is becoming increasingly common. Three bad influences that it can bring about are listed as follows:
First, people suffered from depression are often in bad moods, which may lead to conflictions among people. Second, they are less likely to be engaged in out-door activities than normal people, which are conducive to them both physically and mentally. Third, depression is a leading cause for people's committing suicide. Millions of people lost their lives because of it.

For self-help, there are many methods that they can take to get rid of it. Keeping smiling is the first step, for 'Smile is the cure to all diseases.' Moreover, chatting with others is another good method, because great power can be conveyed through it.

Holt [Contributor] 1549  
Feb 14, 2018   #2
邱晨 , I am not sure what the purpose of your paper is because you did not post your full research for our review. So I can't comment on the content of your essay, but I can comment on the presentation. It has several problems that mar and otherwise promising research paper. The first problem with the essay is your tense usage. You need to be consistent. Since you opened the statement with a reference to past years, then the succeeding information presentation must follow the same time frame reference. Next, you need to work on your sentence development skills. Your sentences are improperly developed and has obvious problems in reference to past, present, and future action references. If you use an online free grammar checker, these problems can be spotted and immediately corrected. If you use Word 2016 to write your paper, those mistakes would be automatically corrected as well. Basically, this paper has potential in terms of being informative and helpful. The problem is that the reader will have a hard time understanding what you have to say because of the errors in sentence and thought presentation. As I said before, these problems can be easily resolved using the proper apps.
OP QiuChen  
Feb 14, 2018   #3
Thank you, Holt. Your suggestion will be a great help in my future learning
box_wizard 1  
Feb 22, 2018   #4
Your points are well and good but you need to add more details to support your points.

I suggest you plan out the structure of your essay and determine the aim of your essay. Are you writing this essay because you want others to be informed more about depression and how it affects us or are you writing because you want others to know how to deal with their depression?

Here is a sample of how you can structure your essay with the aim of informing others about the influences of depression.

INTRODUCTION:

You stated that depression is increasingly becoming common. Introduce what is depression and what certain groups of people are prone to be diagnosed with it. Why don't you add statistics like ones concerning the rise in the number of people diagnosed with depression last 2017 vs. the number of people with depression in 1997 or something?

FIRST PARAGRAPH:

You introduce the first influence. Research more on studies explaining why people with depression tend to have bad moods. You should elaborate more on how these bad moods stemming from depression can inflict harm on connections with other people.

SECOND PARAGRAPH:

This time, you introduce the second influence. Research and elaborate more on why the depressed are less likely to engage in outdoor activities. I think you should also add in that depressed people are also less likely to participate in social activities as well. Compare people with depression to people who don't have depression so that you could give out examples of how this fact can harm the depressed.

THIRD PARAGRAPH:

In the topic of the third influence, consider using statistics and comparisons to support your point. Research on the analysis of suicide rates and what certain groups of people are likely to try suicide.

FOURTH PARAGRAPH:

You can give out how to deal with depression here. Consider more research on this topic because depression is something you can't easily get rid of. It takes healing.

FIFTH PARAGRAPH:

Make a conclusion. Explain why people need to be informed more about depression.

I hope this helped you.

Good luck~


Home / Writing Feedback / How to Deal with Depression; Three bad influences