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IELTS Task 2- Death Penalty is essential to control the crime rate


tonhi2002 1 / 1  
Jun 28, 2019   #1

paper on the Death Penalty



Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Capital punishment has constantly evolved as a major concern of topic in recent years. Many people reckon that execution is necessary to keep security system efficient in the society, however, the others are still unconvinced of its merits. From my own perspective, although the conception of death penalty yield some positive outcomes, I strongly believe that death punishment must be abrogated.

There are many plausible arguments in favour of capital punishment. To begin with, death penalty is widely acknowledged as the most practical deterrent to potential offenders. Fear of execution will keep them at distance from committing brutal crimes, thereby, weighting up their actions. For instance, the government of Pakistan has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties for the members of terrorist organizations. By this way, capital punishment will contribute to the reduction of crime rate and security of society. In addition, it is society duty to reclaim the justice for the victim and console their grieving family. To elaborate, unscrupulous actions of major criminals could make the whole family suffer from the loss of the sole breadwinner which puts a strain on other members. Therefore, these criminals should assume the responsibility for their unlawful actions.

However, the death penalty could be properly uncivilized in many certain cases. The strongest argument is that death execution shows no sense of humanity and community. To clarify, living is the basic right of any human being which should not be infringed , irrespective of the person's deeds. Therefore, this method can be a violation of human rights to kill someone by poisonous injections, hanging or by electrocution. Instead, the punishment should be based on factors that constitute an offence, especially for those who commit crime just because of their accidental circumstances should be given a commuted sentence.Another reason worth mentioning is that ineffective law enforcement can lead to wrongful execution. Many people, for instance, are falsely accused resulting from the loopholes on the justice system such as bureaucracy or brutality. As a consequence, more often than not, most residents got frustrated and lose their faith in law because the judicial system fails to solve the criminal problems. That is why the punishment should be based on factors that constitute an offence, especially for those who commit crime just because of their accidental circumstances should be given a commuted sentence.

In conclusion, although death penalty can be seen as an effective law that can control violence crime of society, I believe that this type of punishment is extremely an violation of human rights.

Hope to see feedbacks from you guys<3
Thank you very much for reading my essay.

tranphuongnhi 3 / 5  
Jun 29, 2019   #2
Hello
I hope my feedback will be useful for you
... penalty yields some
... weighting up ...
... By In this way,
... In addition, it is a social duty
... an offense
... hanging or by electrocution
... an violation of
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,046 373  
Jun 29, 2019   #3
@tonhi2002
Hi there!

I can see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. I hope that you stay here with us and actively contribute. Let me try my best to help you with this essay.

Firstly, try to evade the usage of useless and unnecessary fillers. Avoiding these words will clear space in your essay, creating a more substantive outlook overall. Furthermore, this will also help you create a more informative tone that satiates the need of these types of analytical written content.

Your manner of transitioning in between sentences is already sufficient. Try using this as an effective base for you to create a more organic tone in your content.

You also have a tendency to create lengthy structures of sentences. Try to crop these sentences (in reference, particularly to the third paragraph) into smaller chunks. If you do this, you'll be more efficient in relaying information.

Be more specific as well when you're introducing technical concepts that are niche-specific. Doing so will help you in the long-run to curate content that's substantive.

Best of luck as always in your writing.
OP tonhi2002 1 / 1  
Jun 30, 2019   #4
Thanks a lot for your useful advices <3 I will try to improve my writing skills


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