Deciding which age of the life is the happiest is a controversy

Cambridge book 9 test B, task 2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

people in their teens are most happy

Deciding which age of the life is the happiest is a controversy in contemporary world. While many people think that teenage life is the joyful period out of all, contrarians may believe, adult life has more happiness. In regarding to the debate, pros of the teenage life outweigh the advantages of adult life as far as happiness is concerned.

Teenage life is undeniably the most entertaining part of one's life. Moreover, teenagers have very few responsibilities compared with adults. Further, teenagers most of the time get to associate with same age friends with same interests most of the time; many teenagers don't have to work since their parents fund their education and other extra activities.

Furthermore, modern day teenagers have more activities and facilities to entertain their life happily . for instance, unlike in past they can communicate with any of their friends; anytime of the day due to advancement of the technology. In addition, high school parties and sport events make the life of teenagers more colorful.

On the other hand, antagonists argue that adults can enjoy the life since they don't have any barriers: alcohol, cigarette, adult events. However, most of the events which have restricted to teenagers bring harm to mankind. To illustrate, smoking cause cancers. On top of all, the responsibilities adults have clearly reduce the happiness of adulthood.

As a result, despite the fact that being a teenager or an adult has their own merits, advantages of being teenagers are more significant than being adults. Teenage life has less responsibilities, and entertainment of the life is enormous in teenage life. Thus, teenage life is the most happiest part of life.

IELTS task 2 is actually quite simple if you understand clearly what kind of writing pattern that you should use. Firstly, the most essential part is your introductory paragraph. It is unfortunate that you didn't give any clear overall progression to what extent that this essay will be developed. It is necessary to be stated in the last sentence of your first paragraph. You need to outline the general ideas that you're going to develop in your body paragraphs.

Then, it seems like you did ignoring some punctuation rules. I can see that you accidentally wrote some words with improper capitalization and contractions. In academic type of essay, this kind of thing really matters. Thus, I suggest you to proofread them and re-check any kind of contractions and wrong capitalization and change them into the more appropriate words for an academic writing.

However, you also need to know that I rarely see any kind of essays that separate "the result" into a different paragraph. Usually, a / some result/s should be placed in the last sentence on each body paragraph. This would make everything clear and improve your clarity of your writing. I reckon that you need to focus on this one also.

Hope this helps :)

@ichanpants89
thank you. it is very helpful

@holt can you help me with a great introduction and a conclusion para for this essay ?

The biggest problem of this essay is your lack of proper paragraph development for each side of the discussion. There is the pro, the con, and the personal opinion side. 3 topics that should have been discussed in 3 body paragraphs, resulting in a 5 paragraph essay. That is not what you did here. The way the paragraphs are formatted, it is not clear that you are discussing a personal opinion instead of a comparison. The outline is weak because the flow of discussion presented in the paragraph does not list the proper discussion which should have included a clear indication of your opinion, which was to be discussed later on in the essay.

Your opening and closing paragraph are both wrong in this instance. The closing paragraph should have merely summarized the discussion, offered both opinion reasons, then closed with a restatement of your personal opinion. Due to the confusion in the way you presented your discussion, which did not follow the prompt requirement, you cannot score higher than a 4.

I will be unable to write a proper introduction and conclusion example for you because, in order for me to do that, I would have to rewrite your essay in the correct format. You will not learn anything if I revise this essay totally for you just to show you the right way to discuss it. I already indicated the problems and how you should fix it the next time you happen to come across an opinion discussion prompt. Apply the corrections there for an improved score.

@Holt
thank you very much for your time. your explanation is clear. i will try my best next time. thanks again.