'The definition of the word globalization' - Introductory Paragraph for Essay on Globalization

Please review my introductory paragraph on the advantage of cultural globalization. Sorry for it being so 'superficial' ..

The definition of the word globalization may vary according to from which point of view it is observed. However, it is agreed that one of the effects of globalization is cultures being similar to each other albeit of national boundaries. Nowadays people in Indonesia and United States may drink the same kind of beverages, wear the same brand of clothes or listen to the same song from the radio. Yet they live half the world away from the other. This process, although often feared will threaten the existence of local cultures or tradition, have numerous advantages.

Tamara, the introductory paragraph is quite interesting int he sense that it seems to present an idea of globalization from your point of view. In my opinion though, I feel that the introductory statement would have been better strengthened if you had given a series of definitions about the term since you already said that it is defined differently depending upon the point of view of a person. The immediate reaction to that statement would be to present a few definitions of the word based upon the various points of view of the people. Then you can present your personal definition using the beverage example that you presented in the latter part of the paragraph. By doing that, you will be able to present a solid introductory statement that gives the reader an idea of what the essay prompt is about and what possible topics will be discussed later on in the essay.

Tamara, I have some revision suggestions for you to consider :-)


- ... according to the point of the observer.


- ... implies that globalization...


- While the definition of "globalization" varies according to cultural and social criteria, there is a unanimous agreement that the effects of globalization is similar across the world.

Your essay really sounds half finished. Any chance you can post the complete version soon just so we can see how it flows for the reader?

I think the examples you made in the influences of globalization made this essay quite interesting!
Looking forward to reading your completed version to see how it flows next.

meanwhile, mind to check mine?
I would really appreciate feedbacks! :)

PS: i'm also from indo haha

Thanks for the feedback it was really helpful. I want to complete it, but my assignment was only to do the intro paragraph. We are still talking about the next step.

I will, however, post my next assignment in another thread.

Again, thanks!