Deforestation
Hello! Please give me some advice to improve my writing skills, thank you!
Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?
Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Essay
Human are responsible for a variety of environmental problems, including deforestation. Forests play a vital role in human's life but people, all over the world, have connived at the felling of trees. Governments and individuals, however, can take steps to reduce this damage that we are causing to the planet.
Logging companies fell trees to make useful products like houses, bags and boxes, writing paper, furniture, etc. we all use these things in our daily lives and would not want to give them up. Yet we can be less wasteful in the way we use these things by reusing, reducing, recycling and also through authorities' policies.
Governments could certainly take more effort to curb deforestation by introducing a series of rules and laws to govern it. This might force companies and residents to lessen the usage of trees. For example, they could impose green taxes on companies where they consume a large amount of wood in their production. In addition, cutting must be replaced by planting young trees to replace the older ones that were cut. In this way, enterprises would be encouraged to use materials which are more environmentally sustainable.
Individuals should also take responsibility for their impact. We can reuse bags instead of throwing the bag away after using only once and take the bag with us on our next shopping trip. Besides, when it really has enough life, we can bring the bag to a recycling center as paper is so easy to recycle. Last but not least, reducing might be also an effective action. For instance, reading online news articles instead of newspaper, as the advantage of technology, and using cloth napkins instead of paper ones.
In conclusion, both national governments and individuals must play their part in eliminating logging trees. Through policies and daily habits, we can really make a difference in this serious problem.
Hello, if you don't mind, I would like to point out some grammar corrections for you.
1. "but people, all over ..." => I am confused by this sentence. I think you what you mean by this sentence is that People all over the world collectively take advantages from cutting down the trees. If that's so, I think you should use another word instead of 'felling'.
2. I think paragraph 2 is better if you rewrite it to something like this:
"Logging companies cut trees to make ...
But we can be less ..."
In the last sentence, I think the usage of word 'yet' is not suitable because 'yet' has a slightly different meaning than 'but', like it has a more shocking effect in contradicting the previous sentence. Hence it is better to use 'but'.
3. Paragraph 3
"... taxes on companies that consume a ...
... by planting sapling to replace ...
This way, enterprises would be ..."
4. I am not really convinced that paragraph 4 is appropriate to answer the prompt. The prompt asks about solutions to prevent deforestation and I don't think plastic bags is relevant to the problem. The second point about newspaper and cloth napkins is fine I guess.
Perhaps you can replace the first point by discussing about how individuals can help to push the creation of deforestation law by actively advising their government.
I think that's all. Best of luck!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15384 Nguyen, please remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for each paragraph written in a Task 2 essay. That is required in order to help you improve your sentence structure and grammatical presentation in relation to the coherence and cohesiveness of your essay. There are several paragraphs in this presentation that are overly long or sentences that can be considered as run-on sentences. Always present only one topic per sentence, never try to connect two separate discussion sentences by using commas. That creates run-ons and also blurs the discussion being presented.
Good work on responding to the direct question in the prompt paraphrase. This shows that you understood what type of discussion was required for the topic. However, you still came short of the minimum sentence requirement. Also, you mentioned in the first sentence that humans are responsible for environmental problems. That is a discussion deviation. It changed the subject of the paragraph. What you should have said instead was :
Man is responsible for deforestation because of his activities. These deforestation activities happen worldwide.
Try to use as little of the original keywords in your essay to show your LR skills. That is why I used the term "worldwide" rather than "all over the world". That phrase is still too similar to the original which was "many parts of the world."