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IELTS- We are more dependent on each other than ever?



SAM2014 8 / 13  
Oct 9, 2014   #1
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.
 Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The following is my essay. Please kindly help me to correct it and give me some suggestions to improve

People have different views on whether or not human beings are more independent on others than ever. In my view, we tend to rely more on others than people did before.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more independent than people were in the past. Firstly, modern technology has made individual more powerful. A person are able to accomplish tasks which were impossible to be finished alone. A good example for this would be the application of computers, with which a skillful engineer could figure out every details of a huge project, which used to be done by a large group of people. Secondly, nowadays we have access to plenty of information through the internet. One can check weather forecast in a few seconds without asking anyone else.

However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more dependent on others these days. The problems that people need to deal with is far more complex and difficult than before, and we usually have to work in a group the tackle them. For example, in academic research, it has become much harder for a scientist to work in a specific area alone now. Also, our life has changed to a large extend and we are getting more dependent on the services provided by others, such as fast foods and clothes. Moreover, although it is convenient for us to use information from the internet, we are actually relying on those who are providing and updating it on the other side of the internet.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people are more independent than ever, my own view is that we are more dependent on others now.

gbekil 7 / 15  
Oct 9, 2014   #2
"A good example for this would be the application of computers, with which a skillful engineer could figure out every details of a huge project, which used to be done by a large group of people. "no needs the second "which"

I think coclusıon must be stronger.
Supportıng details are really good.
Vns9x 102 / 230  
Oct 9, 2014   #3
You must extend your introduction to at least 3 sentences.


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