TOPIC:
Some people think individuals are more and more dependent on each other. Some people think individuals are more and more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, there has been much debate about whether individuals are increasingly dependent on each other or not. I tend to agree that, people would be more dependent at work or some critical times, while they would be more independent in their own personal daily lives.
Some people think that individuals are more and more dependent on each other. It seems reasonable because teamwork is significant increasingly at many work places from a small project group to a large international corporation. Brainstorming from many people in a group would create fantastic ideas, while mutual trust and cooperation of different companies like individuals could make more profit together. Moreover, not only for teamwork in jobs, but also for a united nation, people who are dependent on each other and bond together make a nation more powerful. Practically, when human race face great natural disasters, such as earthquake or tsunami, people from everywhere, even whole world, would help each other and be together to resist disasters.
In contrast, some people think that individuals are more and more independent on each other, because various electronic means of communication has increased people's mobility and independence. In other words, people could stay in touch with their families and friends at anytime and anywhere by electronic means no need to face to face. Furthermore, more and more people, especially females, are economic independence now than old days resulting from the development of economy and education worldwide. Many parents even encourage their children to make their own money by doing housework in order to teach them to be independent earlier.
In my opinion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that, at some crucial moments, people would like to be dependent on each other, even unite as one, while for their personal lives, people would be more and more independent.
Hi Ivy,
I am so glad to see you again here. Thank you sooooo much for your advices.
As you said, I do repeat some words form my previous practices because the time of my IELTS exam is coming soon. I am sorry I have already formed some bad writing habits perhaps. Therefore, I still need more suitable and correct words that you can give me. I will try my best to change my wrong words.
Hope your more advices in my next practice. Thank you again.
Keely
Hi Keely, I'm glad to know that you appreciate our work here on EF and I can assure you that we will continue to provide you with the most comprehensive and credible feedback in order for you to be able to submit an even stronger essay.
Now, you don't have to apologize in having started off with your writing, this is absolutely fine, specially when it comes to your case whose native tongue is not English. Furthermore, the only thing to actually help us in getting better in this craft is to practice it everyday, reading will also, greatly help to broaden our vocabulary as this will showcase different channels of word and sentence construction that will help us in creating our own sentences and will assist us in coming up with a well written essay.
Furthermore, when writing, make sure that you do the first things first, understand the prompt, create a strong idealistic approach, draft your ideas and proof read it as you go along, finally, review the prompt again and do a healthy comparison, specially here in EF, there are quiet a few essays that you can consider as your guide and EF will help you out in reviewing your final draft. Keep writing.
These days, there has been much debate about whether individuals are ...
... dependent at work or some critical times, while they would be more independent in their own personal daily lives.
debate should belong to count noun.
I feel critical seems not to express your meaning accurately, what about [hard times]
I would like to delete the word personal, because I think it repeats the meaning(their own).
