Ielts writing task 1, describe a graph about car ownership in Britain

number of people who owned a car in the uk

The line graph illustrates domestic car possession in terms of four distinct categories in the UK over a 36-year period.
It can be concluded from the graph that the number of British owning at least one car rose substantially over the period surveyed with the most significant increase can be seen in the two cars sector.

In 1971 people who have no car took up nearly half of the population while two-car owners accounted for only around 7%. Interestingly, 36 years later, the no car sector saw a dramatic fall to 25%, opposing to a sharp growth by 15% to 25% in the two car sector.

Regarding one car ownership, it experienced a period of stability at about 45% of the population overall while there was a gradual climb in the three or more cars category which reach the peak of nearly 7% at the end of the period surveyed.

@Yesitsthao
Hey! Welcome to this forum. I hope this feedback somehow enlightens you on what to accomplish. But before anything, I advise that you provide a copy of the graph in the next time. This will help us (and other evaluators) understand the context of your essay to provide a more appropriate written work.

First and foremost, these types of essays require that you have a prevalent and fundamental understanding of the core analysis. I appreciate how straightforward your writing is as this fulfills this requirement without any unnecessary tugging. What I would recommend that you be more cautious of is the overall structure of your essay. Take a look at your last paragraph. In this portion, you were unable to fully identify yourself with distinctions as you had a lot of run-on sentences. Ensure that you are abiding by the general required principles to help readers distinguish the borders of your writing.

Further improve your writing by evading the usage of these excesses. For instance, take a look at your first sentence wherein you had written "most significant increase". This particular line could have been rewritten as merely significant increase. Omitting one word not only saves you space, but gives your work a bit more appeal as you omit all of the unnecessary excesses along the way.