Descriptive: The Story of A Person That Changed You A Lot

QUESTION:

PLEASE DESCRIBE A PERSON THAT HAS AN EFFECT ON YOU OR CHANGED YOUR BEHAVIOR, AND HOW YOU MET HIM/HER.

Back in my senior high school time, I had difficulty solving physics problems. Formulas and graphs always confuse me, causing my failure of every quiz and exam. I made every effort to attempt to improve my scores, including purchasing online courses and attending to cram schools, but none of these seemed to work. At a night after attending a cram school, I was deliberating whether I have to abandon my dream of being an advanced engineer since none of the attempts I had done worked. Being depressed, I couldn't help but shed tears in public, though it was shameful.

A man walked to the bench I was sitting on and talked to me. He told me that he was a physics teacher with over 30 years of teaching experience, and he had opened a cram school with a few students, most of which had encountered the same problem as mine. He invited me to audit his class, and soon he started to teach physics concepts in a brand-new way that everyone could easily learn.

He once said, "All techniques and knowledge are written to our mind after being comprehended." This advanced and unique thought has profoundly implemented in my head, and affect how I study a new thing. Now I never study without making my conclusions, and I always review my notes, and the grades are skyrocketing after his teaching. These great changes should attribute to his words. Without him, I would have had a struggle with my studies.

-- This question is NOT related to any of the English exams. Please correct me if the text have grammar or stucture issues. Thanks!

There should be an additional paragraph that explains how you met this man. Why did you decide to speak to him, what his name was and why you thought he was safe to talk to (stranger danger!). How the conversation deviated towards studies and he thought it best to tell you some of his story. This presentation is weak in development. It does not have an informative presentation because it skips around in the story and does not create a strong foundation for the actual presentation. As a creative writing exercise, I doubt this will get a passing score. You have to remember, the backstory, the scene set up, and actual dialogue between the parties would have helped to turn this non dimensional presentation into at least, a one dimensional story.