Can you guys comment on my post, score it out of 9 based on IELTS task 2 criteria? Hope my final score will be good ^^~
[b]Topic : When designing a building, the function is normally more important than the outward appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?
[i][b]And here's my essay, thanks for reading it.
In this day and age, individuals maintain that the key to a well-constructed building lies in its intentional utility instead of its exterior appearance. Viewing from a pragmatic lens, I totally agree with the aforementioned point of view.
In fact, intended usage is a prerequisite factor in a functional structure. Apparently, each building has its own purpose and particular design to serve them. For this reason, buckling down to the utilities is of paramount importance. Take the construction of a school as an example. When designing it, the architect will meet the requirements regarding study rooms, large parking spaces, and other necessities for people with disabilities. The benefits of this allocation will be manifested in the joy of students and teachers when attending schools as well as an improvement in educational quality. Additionally, when people decide to visit a building, they often aim at what it offers inside in lieu of the external attraction. At this point in time, the intentional utility of the assets must be prioritized.
Although palatial structure may appear attractive to bystanders at first glance, what it fails to consider is the exorbitant decorating cost and being less utilitarian. Apparently, there is no rationale for wasting money on a building that serves no purpose, let alone decorating it. To elucidate, a functional house satisfying our needs will be more pragmatic than a colorful painted wall, as the outward attraction cannot compensate for the amenities lacking in that estate. Moreover, since trends come and go, the perception of aesthetics will change over time. For this reason, well-decorated architecture of this time will soon be outdated. To demonstrate, wood paneling was fabulous in the 1970s, and to this day, houses are rarely structured like this. In this point of fact, function is the imperative aspect in constructing buildings, as the need for convenience is eternal.
To reiterate, how the estate works is critical for utilization, as it will dictate the usefulness of that structure.
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The presentation is a bit too long at 326 words. Remember the 40 minute limitation within which the writer still has to review, rewrite, and finalize the content of the essay, Focusing unnecessarily on a long discussion wherein the primary focus of the writer is on the lexical resource score, which is not one of the primary scoring considerations creates this essay of dictionary based words, but lacking in presentation clarity. The examiner is looking for conversational use of everyday English words. He is not looking for an essay that will require him to pull out a dictionary to refer to because of the use of archaic words. The essay needs to be written in a manner that is understandable to people of all ages, not historical English vocabulary experts. While the writer does present a valid argument, his use of vocabulary lessens the impact of the presentation. He set out to impress based solely on vocabulary instead of the heavier scoring aspects of the rubic.