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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing

NguyenVanHung24 1 / -  
Apr 3, 2024   #1
In many developed countries, the life of people is longer. And in this essay, we will discuss about the main problem of this trend affect to our life then give some ideal to tackle the phenomenon.

There are various problem relate to this trend. The main reason is that when the population of older people increasing, it is mean that we need more and more young people to take care of them. This can reduce the income for a family when we need a person to take a full-time job to care a older person. Moreover, the government does not receive tax from people income. Another reason is that, health care system will be overload because older people is likely more chance to suffer from health problem such as cancer, illness,... Furthermore, the tax government received will be allocated to health care more than it should be. It means another field to develop country is not have enough money to spend for construction, resource,...

Although we have too much negative effect, we can still improve our live by take some solution will be given. First, we can increase the age of working. That means we have more people working then the government have more tax. Secondly, we can import young people from undeveloped country. Japan, for example, which is one of the most aging in the world, usually hire young employee from South Asian country like Viet Nam, Campuchia,... Finally, the government should encourage people to give more birth. Like Korean, they give support for each family have three children, which help poor family reduce the stress about money.

In conclusion, various measures can be implemented to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the population of countries grow older.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Apr 13, 2024   #2
Please remember that a space must follow a punctuation mark and also, you cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively. You cannot use a comma and ellipses at the same time. You have a confusion in grammar usage with regards to when to use "an" or "a". Remember the rules. "A" is used with words that begin with consonants. "An" is used with vowel starting words.

Familiarize yourself with grammar rules. A comma is not used after a conjunction. Avoid the use of words uncertainty. In this type of essay, you have to be confident of the opinion you are presenting otherwise you will lose points. Try to avoid using overused expressions such as "more and more" because it makes your writing sound less academic. It also shows you have a limited English vocabulary.
akmaster101 1 / 3  
Apr 13, 2024   #3
Yes, like Holt said, use a space after any punctuation used, such as a period or comma. Additionally, I would rephrase the first line to "The average lifespan is longer in developed countries." Do not use "and" as the first word in a sentence, omit it.

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