Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


The diagrams illustrate how to produce cement and the process of making concrete from it


rosie0412 1 / -  
Dec 6, 2020   #1
I AM REALLY GLAD TO HEAR FEEDBACK FROM YOU GUYS. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete



TOPIC: The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

TASK:
The diagrams illustrate how to produce cement and the process of making concrete from cement for construction purposes. Overall, there are five main steps in the process of cement production, from crushing two materials to packing cement in bags. Meanwhile, the concrete process includes two major parts.

At the first step of the cement production, limestone and clay are crushed into powder. Then, the powder is mixed in a machine called a mixer. After that, the powder is moved to the rotating heater, where it is heated to high temperature. Next, the mixture is ground and the cement is produced. Finally, the cement is packaged in huge bags.

Cement is one of the four materials that are used to produce concrete, go along with water, gravel and sand. In detail, concrete consists of 50% of gravel, 25% sand, 15% cement and 10% water. All four materials are blended together by a concrete mixer.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Dec 6, 2020   #2
Your first sentence is confusing. You need to indicate the number of diagrams and give separate overview presentations for each. The way that you have it presented, it is as if the two different processes are combined into one. That presentation lacks clarity and separation of information, which is a requirement when discussing 2 images for comparison purposes.

The first sentence in your third paragraph is another confusing presentation. You forgot to indicate that water does not "go along" but rather is "added" to the mixture along with gravel and sand. Rather than saying in detail, which is a bit confusing to understand, you could have instead used the phrase "The mixture is composed of..." to clearly indicate that the elements are all mixed together to create a final product.

Overall, you wrote a good number of words, but lacked clarity in some instances, which would affect the TA score of your essay. There are also some misused words, as I indicated above, which would have also lowered your LR score. Pay more attention to the clarity of your presentation next time. Make sure the reader will not be stressed out or confused by your presentation. When that happens, your GRA score will definitely be affected. The combination of all of these errors in your essay will definitely hinder you from getting an above average mark.


Home / Writing Feedback / The diagrams illustrate how to produce cement and the process of making concrete from it
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳