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Different people have different opinion about standard for imitation - role models for youngsters

Maximama 1 / -  
Mar 3, 2016   #1
Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? (for IELTS)

Different people have different opinion about standard for imitation. Some believe that perfect example give a chance to improving behavior and are influence positively.This essay will argue that it is the best experience for next generation to look like professional sportsmen.

The reason for it is contained at the beginning in a good shape. There is no doubt that professional athletes keep fit, avoid junk food and work out at the gym every day. Therefore the youth try to follow rules of diet, do some exercises, and endeavor look like sportsmen.

It is certainly true to say that every athletes achieve the aim. Moreover all of their professional life it is create and reach the target. It is excellent model for young people. They try to learn that everything in the life they can achieve. It gives them opportunities to be on their way and believe in success.

Not only physical achievements, but finally it gives also a lovely job with decent salary. Over the few past decades Henry Ford said that a good job it is a well paid hobby. It gives extra desire for young people to follow suit to sportsmen.

I strongly believe that be in fit, create and achieve the target always and have a job like hobby are important steps toward creating successful life for young people. The most obvious that sportsman could be great role model for next generation.

drgoldenquill - / 2 1  
Mar 3, 2016   #2
towards sportsmen like.... (again fill in the one to three names here be specific you are too
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Mar 4, 2016   #3
Ksenia, first of all, what I noticed on your essay is that you have your paragraphs in small fragments and this made the essay looked longer, the fact is, it actually made the essay look premature.

I suggest that you keep your paragraphs bold and maximize it into 3 paragraphs may be 4 if you may. Next, the words you chose in presenting your opinion on the issue is very well orchestrated and this was seen in how your sentences progressed in the essay.

Lastly, I would like to draw your attention to the last paragraph of your essay.

- that to be in fit,
- create and achieve the target, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) always
- and have a job
- and treat it like
- a hobby are
- creating a successful life
- The most obvious reason is that sportsman

There you have it Ksenia, I hope your revision will be much easier with our help.

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